Chixe

I'm a girl but I always made more than my husband. In fact, finantially supported both of us for many months when he was unemployed and looking for work. I didn't think this was unusual because I knew he would do the same for me. We were very much in love. I always (then and for years) did the budget and bills. We had separate savings accounts and a joint checking account. We each had our own credit cards. Looking back, I still don't think this was odd or unworkable. I never did figure my salary translated into dominant power.

over the years, we've bounced back and forth between this, we even gave each other a year off a while back, separately of course :)

it's never been an issue of who has made more than the other...all our money goes towards one thing in the end, US!

Although I'm not married, if I were this would not be a problem for me. Like trevorlee_nc, I see the money all ending up in the same place, so it doesn't really matter who brought it in.

My partner used to earn more than me. I have no problems there especially since we live together. We just divide the household items according to what we can afford. There is no shame in that. She brings home the bacon. I cook and clean. It's a fair trade off.

The main question is...why should it be a problem in the first place?

Not a problem at all. If my wife made more than me I wouldn't really care, since she and I split everything anyway. (We don't even have his/hers checking accounts. Everything goes into the same checking and saving accounts.) The only thing I care about is that we're doing what we feel we should be doing.

Of course, neither of us has ever really taken money to be much of a status symbol. I mean, stuff is nice, fulfillment comes first and foremost. For us the rule has come to be "first do what you're happy with, then figure out how to put enough food on the table." Of course, that only applies when there's enough coming in to put food on the table. We have been in the position where that wasn't the case. At that point finding how to make enough was priority number one (and our meals consisted of frozen vegetables and ramen noodles.)

I would love that situation.

I'd be a great house-husband.

"first do what you're happy with, then figure out how to put enough food on the table."

amen

My husband would be more than happy for me to make more than he does. It probably won't ever happen, but it certainly wouldn't bother him. Why should it? We both do our part to keep things running (actually, he does more than his part, because he's the best husband ever), so it all works no matter who's earning what.

I've got a very good friend who has been a house-husband for over 20 years. When they had children they discussed the situation and agreed that her earning potential was greater than his, so she goes to work every day and has done all this time while he has looked after the children, done the washing, shopping and everything else. They're still very happy and the children have grown up. I guess it was because this was their choice rather than anything else that's helped it all go so well for them.

Only if I am not providing at all.

I don't have a problem with it. It had helped since I do freelance work and sometimes the projects are not lined up back-to-back. We do have joint everything except for auto insurance, I haven't got around to getting that setup yet.

I am so pleased to learn that none of the above disagrees about wives earning more than their husbands. But unfortunately there are those "macho" men who had been hurt by their FOOLISH PRIDE.
Well, sometimes I regret that I joined this community quite late. It is very seldom nowadays that you can find intelligent, decent and honest bloggers in one community.
Thanks for leaving your comments and follow up comments are most welcome.

I've been watching this note and for a while I didn't say anything, but I can't help myself. :)

Having been in the position where I earned more, the guy originally said it would not bother him but in the end, it did. In my situation, the monies were not placed in one combined account, he has his, I had mine and we had a joint account for living expenses, etc. In my experience the guy usually defaults to this setup so that he does not have to account for his purchases.

In my experience the wage gap did not occur until holidays, birthdays, or "special occasions". For example, significant other worked hard for months on a project. I watched him drain himself out for weeks, supported him while he went through it. Once the project was complete, I surprised him with a quick get away trip to Mexico (completely made up scenario - I've never been to Mexico but you'll get the idea). I'm the most wonder woman on the planet, we have a great time.

My birthday comes up, he remembers the trip, remembers I got something "expensive" for his birthday (expensive based on his salary, not mine) then begins to feel bad that he cannot give me the type of gift he would like to give me. When I'm done working on a project he cannot afford to take me on a quick trip. Even though chilling out one on one at home would be fine with me, he'd take it personal that he couldn't do what he wanted to do.

I understand that completely and if I don't purchase the more expensive things then he feels guilty that I feel uncomfortable not doing what is in my heart because he would feel inadequate with his inability to do what he would like to do.

Given a situation similar to those I described, do you think it would never bother you if you made less and couldn't do the things you'd like to do for your significant other?

Tyme, I can completely relate to that because even now, Mel spoils me with things I can't possibly afford to pay back. For instance, for Christmas, she had a gold penguin pendant made for me and bought a crapload of books to add to my collection I've always been meaning to buy but never could because I'm short of cash.

I on the other hand can only afford to get her a book she'd never expect and some cheap things I know she'll appreciate. I can't give her the same kind of pampering in return and at the end of the day it doesn't matter.

What matters is the way we appreciate what we get. I know she'll love what I give her and she knows I love what she got for me for me. Getting what we don't expect but love anyway is a way of "one-upping" each other. Doesn't mean that I wouldn't want to pamper her with the same riches she's used to. It just means it's something I can spend my life working towards knowing she'll appreciate it all the same...and we can get some competitive satisfaction out of it. It's the way both of us are.

The price doesn't really matter simply because you can't put a price on the reason you do something for someone you love.