Chixe

You get married when you feel you should get married. Period. Yes, it's scary. Yes, it's a huuuuuge change. Yes, you can feel like you're not ready and you never will be. But the fact is that when it comes to some things, there's no such thing as a right decision or a wrong decision. There's just a decision and it's up to you to make it right.

I got married at 24 and for a while I thought it was too early, however as it turns out, it was a good age for me, despite all my initial doubts in that regard. I just celebrated my 4th anniversary this weekend, and it's not uncommon for people to still think of us as newlyweds because of how we act towards each other, even though we've already been through a lot.

Good luck.

I agree with Gnorb - there really is no real age number that automatically flips a switch that makes you ready to get married. Many people get married at 18 and make it last forever, however there is an even higher percentage that don't make it to 2 years, let alone ride it all the way out. But at the same time there are people who are 30+ who get married and it doesn't work for them either.

Take your time. Make sure the person you are with is really someone you can picture yourself with "forever" (or at least a really long time) - but at the same time, don't over analyze it and wait forever to get married (unless you don't want to!).

I'm 24, with three kids. I've never been married. I want to get married this year, but I don't know if I'm ready yet, so I'm taking it slow, making sure this is what WE BOTH want, and just going along with it.

I know there are so many people who won't get married because they are fearful of having a "failed marriage", but honestly - what's the difference between a failed marriage and a failed relationship? Not much but a bunch of paperwork...

Here's my theory - if you really love that person, believe in the institution of marriage, can see yourself married to the person you love, and most of all WANT to get married - do it. Don't let things like finances keep you from marriage. People put too much emphasis on the wedding and the house buying, etc instead of just realizing that they are making a wonderful commitment to the person they love and want to be with for the rest of their life.

That's all very funny coming out of my mouth because as of 2 years ago I didn't believe in marriage...

I got married @ 22... and have been married now for 7 years and couldn't be happier.

I know people who got married when they were 16 and have been happily married for 30 years... I also know people who waited until they were 30 to get married and it didn't last 6 months.

It's all about the people getting married and their maturity and about 50 billion other variables :)

Next year... keep telling her that, trust me.

There never is a right age, women are crazy.

I've never even given it a thought as marriage is not something I think I'll ever do. My parents married in their late twenties. I have cousins who married right after college, it seems one whole leg of my family does that, though several of them are already divorced. I doubt there is really a"right time" in general just a right time for each individual.

Hang on. Why would there be a right age?

The only "right ages" I know of are the ones that are enforced on us by law... and those vary from country to country. There's not even a "right age" biologically speaking.

Ultimately you have to answer to yourself. If you go along or go against the traditions of your community that can cause difficulty, but there is no escaping yourself.

The only catch to saying that there is no right age for marriage is when you consider a 40 year old marrying some 16 year old or younger. What if the person is 9 years old? Does having it that young make it wrong or are we still going for there is no right age?

For me at least the right age to be married is when you're ready. When you know it's your own choice. When you know that whatever comes your way in the future can be dealt with together with that someone you love. That's when you know you're right for it, no matter what the age.

Everybody stole my comments! Laws exist to define acceptable ages (over age 18 in most US states) and even define "you can't marry a biological sib or first cousin". Society and culture probably have impact (ie an enormously wealthy elderly person marrying an attractive person in their 20's). Given this, people marry when they both can't imagine spending their life without the other. It's mutual voluntary choice. Sometimes the marriage is delayed when one of them is in the armed services or for medical reasons, but there is no magic age for everyone when marriage is best. I was married in my mid 20's, after grad school and during my first job in a new city.

@ Gnorb, Lalindsey - Makes sense. Thanks for the inputs.

@ Righton - 50 billion variables. So true!

@ Carmodyarc, Scrivs - Lol!

@ Cooper, Ozone42, Kamigoroshi, Auburn - Very valid points.

So, this discussion is driving the notion that there is no ideal age to get married. You get married when you feel like getting married regardless of variables?

As some wise guy said, the secret of a happy marriage remains a secret! :-)

Unless you are one of the 61% of women in their twenties in the United States who are "very" , or "extremely" willing to marry for money. ( 34% if in their thirties.) In that case I guess you're ready when the right man comes along. ;)

The secret of a good marriage is that the woman is always right.

The secret of a happy marriage is that the man is always right until the woman comes home.

Whatever circumstances there are for marriage, you have to make sure that they are the right circumstances, at least if you want the marriage to last. Whatever those right circumstances are, they rest entirely between you and your partner.

I got married at 24 which sometimes seems a bit young, we've been married 12 years this year (no, I'm still 21 in my mind so stop trying to work it out :-)).

I say a bit young because there are things now that I'd wish I'd done but didn't because of the responsibilities I have taken on. However, that's not meant to sound too gloomy. The upshot is that we have two wonderful children who will be 18 and 21 when I'm 47. So I will be young and fit enough to share with them some of the adventures I wanted to do when I was younger. Compare this with doing all your stuff and then settling down - neither is better I'm just drawing a comparison. Although I wish I'd done more earlier we have a friend who is having a baby and she is 38, she has seen the world and when her offspring is 21 she'll be nearly 60. That works for her but put in that context I'm glad we did it our way around. The grass is always greener springs to mind.

I think rather than worrying about the specific age it's better to try and understand what marriage will mean for you. The reality is that it's hard work, as is any long term relationship, and the question is whether it means enough to you to fight the good fight. If not then why get married.

Love and passion are obviously extremely important but what happens when they seem to be running on empty. What happens when you both seem to be talking a different language and taking a different direction? When life takes over and you end up feeling like strangers? 24 or 74 makes no real difference here. This is where your emotional age/willingness comes in.

If you can see yourself working through those times, redefining yourselves from time to time and being flexible enough to deal with those changes - however insecure or angry you might initially feel - and still you want to get married then maybe it's the right time.

Yes we've had rows and both of us have felt like leaving at times - but we're together, we love each other and the fact that we worked through those times makes our marriage seem all the more valuable to us. I don't think age specifically can define that.

So, now I've thoroughly cheered you up, I guess I'm leaving you in a quandary.

Red pill or blue pill?

Think of it as taking to sea. Sometimes it's serene and sometimes it's rough. Savor the serene and learn to ride the storms. Above all, if you have no reason to sail and you dislike water then play on the beach instead.

Right where are my sandals . . . . .(Joke Mrs Clarkey!!)

X

In australia it seems to be rare for people to get married any younger than 21ish - even around that is pushing it.

I have two american friends who married each other when the wife was 18 (last year). They keep their own cute little site going, and they seem to be perfect for each other really! -