Chixe

It's not so much arrogance, but the fact that an arrogant person is a confident person (albeit to a fault) and confidence is where it's at.

Everyone loves Ego.

Ego is the I. Ego is the self. People with strong identities are more interesting and unique.

Arrogance is one thing, most of the time people that are arrogant can't actually back it up. They boast to make up for feelings of inadequacy. If you are confident in yourself, and it shows, but you're not boasting--well that's attractive to everyone!

Actually I think ego goes along with confidence. And girls in my opinion like guys with confidence, because IMHO girls want a guy to take care of them, and a sign of confidence shows you are capable of handling situations that may occur.

I do not mean to offend any girls, and if I did I apologize, but just from my experience my claim is true to the point that its no wonder there is a saying "Man of the house".

You can't be the man if you can't show your confident, and sometimes that means having an ego.

[EDIT] And that goes for lesbian relationships too.

This is the "Do guys like girls who play hard to get?" thread equivalent! :) And also as discussed in that thread, when you speak of "girls" it's a pretty big sample--over 50% of the population in fact. So I think it's a pretty big generalization.

So as a single member of that sample (and only speaking for myself and no other members), I can say that I'm attracted to confidence and not egotism. And therein lies the fine line. I think they're different, actually. They overlap but you cannot say they're the same. And then you'll also have conflicting theories on what constitutes either. Egoism is basing one's self-worth on his actions, others' actions, on outcomes. Sheer confidence will be able to divorce those from each other. In my opinion, confidence will stand on its own. I'm not getting clinical or anything, but when I think of egotism I'm thinking of it in the context of "egotistical bastard." Common phrase, right? I think it's more common than "man of the house," these days in fact.

And the examples he gives, I don't find Dr. House nor Robbie Williams attractive at all. But that's just my opinion and it's really just a taste thing. I find David Beckham attractive. Not because of his personality, but because he is damn fine. I'm not really attracted to celebs for their personality...but that's just me. Because which celebs do we really know?

I don't really want a guy to take care of me. Be there for me, sure, but a guy that can truly appreciate that I can take care of myself first and not be offended by that (egoism--my reliance on him) is priceless.

Awesome post estarla. I agree wholeheartedly with you.

Of course as you mentioned you can only speak for yourself on this matter.

I have great disdain for unfounded, or should it be unfunded, arrogance, but I am not against self confidence, which to the totally insecure might present itself as arrogance.

Arrogance and self confidence to me are two different things.

I dislike guys who think they are all that but have no real basis for that assumption except the fact that their parents were able to pay for a very expensive school and told them they were the most important thing in the world and they believed it.

I don't want someone to take care of me either. I just want someone who can snowboard as well as I can, reads books, and uses words besides "me" and "I" when conversing.

Most woman can take care of themselves.

To me, egotism/egoism is completely separate from conceit/narcissism which is being implied here.

Ego is self esteem and self focus, which if you don't have you can't be confident. If you don't like yourself you're pretty much missing on all cylinders, you don't have a core from which to build from. Countless cliches are written about you can't truly love someone unless you first love yourself and along those lines. They may be cliches, but they're also often true.

Arrogance also implies an exaggerated sense of self worth, which brings us back to narcissism and conceit. It's fine to have self worth, but only if you can back it up with reality!

I do have to agree with the girls here. Most women don't want someone to take care of them, neither do men. Most people want an equal. Someone to share with and enjoy, not protect or be protected by.

Women like the balance.

They want a guy who's confidant. At the same time, they don't want a guy who leaks pride through his ears. People think that confidence goes hand in hand with ego and pride, but it doesn't. They are two different things altogether.

I guess, at the end of it, from what I know and understand of women, they want a guy who's confidant enough to let go of his pride. Someone who isn't too macho to pretend that what's there doesn't exist. Someone who knows when to take control for the right reasons.

It takes a guy who's completely secure with himself to know that ego isn't always that important. Just the ability to know what you're doing and when you should do them. I think women like that.

The post asks if I would be more intrigued by the rock star or the IT manager.

While I would think of myself as somewhat honored or special to have the attention of a rock star, flirting would probably be the farthest I'd go. In the back of my mind I'd always consider him a womanizer, and I definitely don't want that.

I like geeks. I like their brains and their odd sense of humor. So, if this makes sense, the rock start would be the good date, but the IT manager would be the good boyfriend.

Too much ego is a turn-off, for sure. But sly confidence is a winner.

Confidence is attractive, egotistic isn't. In my book, anyway.

Condident to know his opinions, know what he wants, but be prepared to compromise a little on the way. So, as a small (low level) dating example (though the principle applies to more serious areas:

if you're discussing where to go out, if he says "oh sweetie I don't mind whatever you want" - that makes me wince. No confidence. If he says "I really like Luigis, shall we go there?" and if I say yes, great, but if actually I say "You know, I'm not in the mood for italian, do you know any good Thai places" and he suggests one, that's great. He's not over-ridden my views, but he's had them.

Also I'm not a fan of vanity in either sex. Knowing that you're a good person, fun to be with or whatever is all good. But believing that just because you're good looking that that makes you better than other people? No way. It might attract girls in the short term, but it won't get you a relationship. But then maybe those kind of vain guys prefer a sequence of admirers?

In the example of the rock star or the IT geek, sorry, neither. The rock star will treat you like shit and the IT geek comes across as a doormat.

Kamigoroshi, I think you're spot on - knowing when to let go of your pride is key (in both sexes)

Women don't need to be taken care of. They chose to share their life with confident, sensitive men (if they're hetero).

Oh man, I read 'taken care of' and I thought "Yeah, when I want a massage."

I will now go on to agree with what the women (and Kami) here have said: confidence is important and necessary, being either a jerk or a doormat is not attractive.

Of course, there are some women who like jerks and doormats. I'm just not one of them.

I will now go on to agree with what the women (and Kami) here have said.

It's always good to be part of girl talk. Always gives me that warm fuzzy feeling inside. :)

kenny sia!!! LoL.. apparently u often read it.

hmmm.. ego huh.. i would say that a lil bit of ego is alright. but not too much. Guys with ego, they tend to be quite confident and that is something that most girls would like. However, if they have a big ego, i don't think the girls will really like it. I think it tends to turn them off.