Chixe

Firstly... How much do you know about her life after the breakup? Has she moved on? Not just with a new relation but with life in general... Has the reason for her to need you in her life still there or has she overcome it? Does the reason for the breakup still exist? It seems cruel to ask so many questions but you must consider these first...

Well what is the reason you two broke up? If it was because you beat her or something to that affect I don't think I want to offer my advice on how to circumvent the restraining order.

Few things here that are important.

Why did you break up in the first place? If that's not really resolved, then getting back together would be more than just a little inconvenient.

"Quite sure she's still in love" is different from "knowing for sure she's still in love", so find out.

If you have nothing to say, no reasons to give now, then what makes you think you have reasons to keep her staying in the future? So think about that.

Just remember, nothing is as simple as wanting something and getting it. In a relationship, there are a lot of things to think about and work through because at the end of it, it's not just about you as well. It's about what she wants too.

Whatever the reasons were for the break-up, I want to assume you've thought very hard about them and have learned about yourself in the process. Consider specific ways the relationship will be different and stronger this time. Before proceeding even one millimeter, you need to find out if the resuming of the relationship is two sided, I agree with the above comment. If all of this was (is) done, then I suggest you invite her out for coffee. Just talking is the first step. Tiny step. One at a time.

I suggest you wheel over to Should you get back together with an ex? This is a previous question on 9rules, and I think it has some good answers to it specifically that you may want to consider before taking this journey.

Like a lot of the comments in that other note, I think it's important to remember why you broke up in the first place. Another important thing to consider is that you've only been apart for three months. You say, "...and now I want to get back together with her."

From my experience, three months is really not enough to get over the really meaningful relationships. And, assuming this was a meaningful one to you, I don't know that three months of being apart really tells you anything other than you are both likely still affected by the events that took place in your relationship; the wounds are still new.

I'm not saying this is how you are, but I am finding more and more people entertain the idea of getting back with their exes these days. There seems to be this (usually) unrealistic idea of, "Oh, I'll do things differently. It will all work out this time." I don't know if this is a partial media influence, which often displays such scenarios in movies and television shows, or what it could be.

What I do know is that previously ended ties of a romantic kind rarely make for good relationship-starting material unless both parties have/are willing to change (honestly) and are willing to forgive (and not bring up) certain things of the past. Most people won't or cannot do those things, though, for whatever reason, and so I'm usually of the mind that people who break up should stay broken up. You need to figure out if you are one of those people before anything else. Otherwise, you'll just go through the cycle again.

It's your choice, but it's not one to be taken lightly, as if it's only a matter of asking her back out a certain way. You can likely win your ex back into your life, but remember that once you've done that, you are in a relationship that you must maintain with her again. Make sure it is the girl you are in love with, not just the notion of a relationship.

We broke up becasue she didn't have the time to see me that often. She was always too busy and when we did arrange to meet up, she would call me most of the time 30min before we were suppoesed to meet to tell me that she was with a friend and that she'll be there in a hour. Maybe I was being unreasonable but I got annoyed with that. We would only see each other about 2 times a week.

When we were together, I heard from her friends that she really excited to be going out with me and that she really wanted it work. Now it seems that she does still have feelings for me.

I don't think you're being unreasonable when you are annoyed that your girlfriend only has time for you twice a week, and, even then, is usually late to see you. Personally, that sounds like she expects a bit much out of you emotionally. I know I wouldn't put up with that in any relationship.

In my opinion, the main question here is not whether you have feelings for her still or she has feelings for you. The main question is whether you're both willing to be honest and actually see to the issues that have taken place if you do get back together. You're frustrated/disappointed that she has little time for you. If she doesn't know the truth of that, you need to tell her. If she does know that, she needs to be willing to work something better out with you. If you won't tell her, or she won't change, you're just going to go through the same things again.

It isn't hard to meet someone two times a week, and I question just how interested people are when the two times they will see you in a week begin with their being late. That's really yanking your chain.

What exactly has her so busy? Studies, a career? If so, what are her hours like? Does she not have more nights and/or weekends available?

Mainly she would be hanging out with her friends and then working. But if she really wanted it to work out, wouldn't she have at least made an effort. I made the effort and actually had to put off some things or reschedule appointments to that I could see and when I would she would come late and then have to leave in a hour.

That really frustrated me because I was trying and she wasn't. Then she would complain that when we did meet I would be grumpy and in a bad mood. Well of course i'm in a bad mood if she comes late and then she only has 1h to spare.

I just would have liked to have spent more time with her and I don't think that was asking too much, was it? 1h 2 times a weeks is hardly enough for a relationship to work now is it? I guess she wasn't willing to make a compromise...

This is what is making me think whether or not I should do something. I like her and would like to give it another try but the reasons I stated above are making me hessitate.

Now that you shared more info, I want to change my comment. If she could spend two hours a week with you and was not even punctual with that amount, preferring to be with friends, that's a Big Message. She was not as committed to the relationship as you. You deserve better and are worth more. Don't invite her out for coffee. Spend time accepting the situation and moving on. The jist of what I wrote before, on the other thread, was 'don't have a short memory'.

If she had feeling for you you would probably be absolutely sure not "quite sure". Most people go through this kind of thing but the likelihood of it being a good idea
to chase an old relationship is slim. It's probably a passing form of nostalgia or maybe your failure to move on and fill your life with other things.

The big question is does she miss you and want to give it another try? If the answer is no, or even maybe, than no matter how you feel you need to move on.

Mainly she would be hanging out with her friends and then working. But if she really wanted it to work out, wouldn't she have at least made an effort.

Yes. This is a huge warning sign. As Auburn said, you can have better and deserve better in your life. And the really hard truth is that someone who wants to choose work and friends over you all the time, and doesn't feel bad about being late when she does see you, to me, isn't that interested in you after all. Such a notion really hurts, but it's also freeing, as once you've come to realize and accept that, it's much easier to move on, knowing you'll be able to find something better and more meaningful down the road.

This is what is making me think whether or not I should do something. I like her and would like to give it another try but the reasons I stated above are making me hessitate.

Of course, we are only seeing one side of the story here, but given what we know, I think it's fairly safe to say that she's the one who needs to make some (or the most) compromises and changes for things to be different this time around. So, if she has changed or is willing to compromise, she'll come to you to make things up. I think if you go back now, she's likely to go back into a relationship with you, but without any changes in her life or personality. In other words, you're going to have the same thing happen this time as before.

I agree with Auburn and Cooper. Move on, if at all possible.

As I have read some info, I think it is not yet late for me to add something. I had almost the same situation as yours, Costanzo. However our one year and a half cool-off was because we were not yet ready for a relationship, and that was the only reason why we "separated". Then, when the chance came again, we did not blow it. Now, we are 12 years married.
My point is, if you still have the same problem as before, then there is no use coming back, for it will be no bearing at all. Chances are, you will just hurt each other again, if it did last time. I think giving space will be my best suggestion for now. A deep relationship requires time and devotion, hope I provided some help.
Thanks!

This is all good advice, thanks you guys.

I've decided that its better to just move on, i've talked to her a few times and she hasn't changed. So what's the point??

Thank you all for sharing your advice with me, i really apreciate it:)