Chixe

Those quotes are great, especially the one by Erich Fromm. There are definitely different kinds of love, but the love I feel for my family is beyond any definition.

"Love is an act of endless forgiveness, a tender look which becomes a habit." - Peter Ustinov

"Loves makes your soul crawl out from its hiding place." - Zora Neale Hurston

"Love has no awareness of merit or demerit; it has no scale... Love loves; this is its nature." - Howard Thurman

"Love doesn't make the world go round, love is what makes the ride worthwhile." - Elizabeth Browning

Those just about sum it up for me.

I think I've read too much of Helen Fisher, I was an anthro major so I guess that is my excuse.

I think of Romantic love as a brain chemical induced, which over time ( depending on many factors - psychology, environment, or timing) takes on a different stage going forward into companionship mode or ending. So I really can't take much of the poetry about love all that seriously.

It feels better to feel love, so I like this Cho quote

“Love is the big booming beat which covers up the noise of hate”

Love for family and friends is a bonding thing, it helps us survive. I'd die without family and friends but not without romantic love.

@cooper - are you saying that if you found/have romantic love and you were happy, you could do with the person?

Not sure if you meant "could do without the person" or not Tyme.

Yeah, what ^^ (he) said.

Romantic love is something which is fun for awhile, but at some point one has to decide it it's going anywhere. If not yes I can do without a person with whom there was just romantic love, even if it's still there, if there is nothing else there to bond me with that person.

I believe that first rush always wears off, and at that point in time you either bond for other reasons or you don't. If you are at a time of life, which is where I am, when moving forward in some kind of relationship isn't really an option than yea sometimes it is easier, and quite possible, to move on and do without that person.

I'm not too good on what other people quoted, but I'll come up with something of my own. This calls for a blog post.

@cooper - I have neighbors that have been married 60 years. I think that is what most people strive for, a lifetime partner. From the experiences they shared with me and other couples that have lifetime bonds they didn't pick who they fell in love with. They had a connection with someone, sometimes someone they never thought they would, that never went away. A connection that can be felt whether the person was around or not, said anything or not (my neighbor went to the military for 5 yrs and they didn't see each other the entire time, but still loved each other). Two blocks over there is a couple that have been together almost as long. They tried to resist their love for years because, back then, it was "taboo" for a mixed couple to be together. The more they tried to resist the worse it was. From the way these couples describe it, it's like trying to resist breathing, even in the very early stages of their relationship.

Listening to them (and others that have lifetime partners) I do wonder if the lifetime love (soulmate) comes into your life if one can walk away from it and lead a happy life. Perhaps that is "the" determining factor on whether love is "real" or not. With my children I can't turn that love on and off, I cannot do that for my family/friends either. I cannot imagine walking away from my soulmate.

I'm curious if others are able, if they really love a person, to ignore those feelings and walk away from the person? Would it be easy? I mean, is love something you can think, "I love this person but it's easier for me to not be involved right now"...turn it on/off like a light switch?

Walking away from the person you love is never easy. Especially when you experience those feelings for the first time. Yet...it is doable. It just depends on how far you can rationalize love among the other priorities that stand in the way for it.

I tend to see now that for most people who have yet to be so broken from love, walking away from someone they love is not something they can consider. Love blinds. Love is selfish. Love is obsession.

For the ones that have felt that loss before. Love is cautious. Love is practical. Love is generous.

Regardless of all that though, love is not a switch. It is a fluidic wave of emotions and thought. To ask yourself the ultimate question. Why do you love and how much are you willing to go for it?

I tend to see now that for most people who have yet to be so broken from love, walking away from someone they love is not something they can consider. Love blinds. Love is selfish. Love is obsession.

That doesn't sound healthy. For me, love makes me selfless and strong. I recently did an entry about people being in our lives for a season or for a lifetime. The love you describe is a toxic relationship that cannot last...that's a season. I think from those type of experiences you learn what love "shouldn't" be. Walking away from someone you know you're not meant to be with (a mature decision - like your example, it leaves you "broken") is different from walking away from someone that is good for you.

Well the thing is that people expect love to be pure and innocent. People don't expect it to have a darker, more sinister side. I think that at least, that part should be acknowledged.

It doesn't mean we should have it be part of our life. It's just that we should also understand that love is wholesome and to ignore what is unhealthy makes us all the more vulnerable to it when we least expect it.

I believe there are three interpretations for the word 'love'
-Erotic love (or romantic) which is a basic level
- Friendship love (higher than erotic love but still basically selfish)
- Unconditional love (true soulmate)

So far in this thread, with the exception of Tyme, I believe the discussion is only discussing the first two levels.

In my personal opinion, chasing after the first two levels of love without the expectation or effort of moving toward the highest love is folly.

@fuscom - yes, there is a definite difference in the levels.

@Kami - What do you mean by sinister?

There's a 4th and 5th level, too. The love a parent feels for their child. This develops over time if the the child is adopted but it's there. The love a person has for an idea can start wars. Call it patriotism or nationalism or some other word that ends with 'ism'. The intensity and power of it, supported by others and strongly encouraged by a charismatic leader can be called 'love' also.

I just thought of yet another level of love. It is the phrase "love my work" or "love my hobby". The very lucky among us say those phrases together. This love is a passion of sorts, it has to do with the professional excitement the object elicits, the feeling of self-confidence it provides.

@ Tyme

I mean, is love something you can think, "I love this person but it's easier for me to not be involved right now".
I don't want to sound selfish but yes, for me it is. Let me qualify. If it sucks my energy - which I find sometimes it does - it has to go - because I have other plans for my energy right now.

If one is lucky enough to find oneself in a relationship in which there is romance, where there is potential for going forward with someone you'd prefer not to live without, and if that someone is of the same mind and time of life as you, then I think it reasonable.

No matter what though, if I found myself in some kind of obsessively romantic situation at this time I'd have to end it, that may sound strange, but there are certain things I want to get done an din a certain order.

My grandparents have been together forever, my parents as well. I think they have solid relationships which have changed over the years, and I'm privy at this time to the changes, and the history. I've known couples with very long and healthy relationships, but I don't really think the way I feel is wrong for me.

What kami says about a darker sinister side perplexes me. I can hardly think of the term "love" as something even potentially "dark and sinister". That wold be something else, something unhealthy.

I'm trying to put things in a normal perspective because at the end of it, I still consider it love regardless of the motives, actions or consequences.

When I mean sinister I mean, relationships that carry with it habits outside normal culture, yet share the same love for one another. Easiest example would be BDSM. Many people would consider that kind of relationship unhealthy, but I know plenty of people who are in that lifestyle and still love their partners one and the same because of what they share (Master/Slave, Sado/Masochistic).

Other people can share a twisted game of deceit and manipulation for others and each other, loving and comforted by the fact that only both of them in their lives share the love of what they do.

That's the best way I can explain it. Love doesn't always have to be good and pure. There is a world of pain, lies, manipulation and lust. Some people are in love with each other because of those similarities that they share. It's not that it's unhealthy for other normals, it's that it's perfectly sane for two people who are in love.

Then again...how thin the line is between love and insanity anyway?