Comments
9 CommentsOkay, here's the scenario:
Two people that work for/with my husband are getting married soon, and we've been invited to the wedding. I'm really not thrilled about going for a number of reasons:
1. We hardly know these people.
2. They are both moving on to new jobs Stateside within the next couple of months, and we'll probably never see them again.
3. Obviously, we're expected to bring a gift, but consider #'s 1 and 2.
4. They are both old enough to have established households already, and she's been married before. They have kids already (one that is theirs together) and yet their registry list reads like the young couple who've lived at home all their lives and are starting from scratch. Seems like all the guests are just a way to get new stuff.
To me, your wedding day is a special joy to share with your family and very close friends, and co-workers if you are really close to them (as in, shared social life outside work) or have worked in the same company for years and intend to continue to do so. We currently live in a very transient community (military communities are like that), nobody was born here, nobody's going to live the rest of their lives here, and the number of people who keep in touch after a military or work related move is relatively slim. The happy couple isn't military, and neither are we anymore (we're all contracted civilians with DOD) so our tenure here is a bit longer sometimes, but it still works out the same.
This was part of the reason my husband and I didn't have a big wedding, since our circle of friends was small, and both our families are small, and we thought it was kind of silly.
Thoughts??
auburn
Written Feb. 15, 2007 / Report /
Please do send a card and a gift certificate to a national restaurant because it is still important, but all your reasons for not attending are valid. No use adding extra guilt to your life by not acknowledging it at all.
dreamweaver
Written Feb. 15, 2007 / Report /
Yes, by all means, we would contribute a card and gift of some sort, it's just the obligatory attendance that I object to, though after I looked at my note, I see it doesn't sound that way. I think the whole gift thing is just in the category of "and on top of everything else..." if that makes any sense. For two people in their situation, your suggestion of a gift certificate is a good one, much better than a sandwich maker or blender or some such from their Gift Registry list.
nickcdavis
Written Feb. 15, 2007 / Report /
You could ask yourself this: If you don't go, are they going to miss you? Exaggerated: if you didn't send anything, would they notice? (Sorry, I'm broke at the moment, so I'm in a tightwad mindset. haha)
I got married a month and a half ago (first and only time) and we had a good turnout. 98% of the people who said they weren't attending didn't send a gift or card or anything. These were people I knew well or was related. I figured it was normal and quite alright. I doubt this couple will even care.
SammyJ
Written Feb. 15, 2007 / Report /
I definately feel for you. Conveniently be out of town that weekend. Of course, go with the whole card/gift cert thing. Besides, in my opinion, a second marriage shouldn't be that big of a deal. I think it should be more reserved for family and close friends, so you're actually celebrating the union rather than the wedding, know what I mean?
dreamweaver
Written Feb. 15, 2007 / Report /
Well, the "conveniently out of town" was what I wanted to go for in the beginning, but my husband thinks we should be there (don't ask me why, really). I'm sure these people will probably miss him, since he sees them every day, but I wouldn't know them if I ran into them on the sidewalk. I think this may end up being one of those things that the "boss and his wife" have to do: the "go to the weddings, care about the babies" kind of stuff. Doesn't mean I have to like it.
Thanks for responding with your views. Lets me know I'm not just crazy or a scrooge or something.
bloglily
Written Feb. 15, 2007 / Report /
There is absolutely no reason why you can't regretfully decline that invitation. There's nothing rude about that. And I do think you're right to send them a card, wishing them well and a small gift. It just increases your karma in the world to be kind to people who're embarking on a new marriage, even when you feel that maybe their own behavior isn't so great. And, if you are so inclined, a good gift for someone like that might be a guidebook to the part of the world they'll be living in next.
stefani
Written Feb. 15, 2007 / Report /
Sometimes you have to do things we dont really want to when were married, its called 'compromise'....yea it sucks, but its the way it is. Go, get a modest gift, and enjoy the free food and drinks.
SammyJ
Written Feb. 15, 2007 / Report /
Thats true.. you could always go and get loaded on them :)
dreamweaver
Written Feb. 15, 2007 / Report /
Stefani, I'm okay on the compromise, as long as he's the one doing the compromising! JK. ;)
And I never get loaded at these things. Not only have I seen too much of that kind of thing (think Navy Ball, woman passes out on the dance floor and has to be hauled out by the paramedics, and way too many folks making fools of themselves with people they work with), I'm always driving!
Good reminder about the drinking though; I'll have to remember to switch the place cards if I'm stuck sitting next to the drunk woman from the office Christmas party. She all but leaned on me through dinner that night.