Chixe

For us gays, it's all premarital. :)

If I were able to marry, I still don't see an issue with it unless you are just going crazy. If you care about someone, physical intimacy is an expression of that. I've never been the kind of guy who made the rounds, though.

Sex is a big part of a relationship. Being sexually compatible is going to be important to the success of your marriage, so I don't see any harm with finding out how you gel before you make lifetime commitment to someone.

When I was a teenager, I believed that one should have sex as early and as often as possible.

Today, being on the other side of the fence as a teacher, I'm alarmed by the number of pupils I have that start at an age at which I was still playing with Legos.

Physically, a lot of the pre-teens I have in my classes often look like my friends did when they were 16, 17 or above, but mentally, they are not.

I also notice that absolutely nobody seems to give a damn about protecting themselves and AIDS has seemingly become a thing of ancient history here.

To be quite honest, I'm worried about what all of this will lead to.

I never stopped playing with Lego.

Lots of people try and say sex is or should be an exclusive thing (to married folk), claiming it's just for procreation but natural animals (several hundred evolutions before humankind) were having sex socially.

We're a social species as I've said many, many times on notes. It's not about killing everything that threatens you or making sure you can spread your genes to the best of your ability because we've grown through that.

Locking yourself into a contract (which is about as unnatural as you get, you holy types) before you've had a chance to better experience the other person is just silly.

We are here in search of happiness for ourselves and our fellow man/woman. How we do that shouldn't be for another to decide.

I can respect people's desire to abstain from sex before marriage. I didn't so I can't really answer the question avuee asked. However, there was a recent study I found interesting which relates to this.

The study “Trends in Premarital Sex in the United States, 1954–2003” [link] by the Guttmacher Institute, a New York City-based non-profit organization that studies reproductive and sexual health, consisted of looking at data going back to the 1950's, plus interviews and all that jazz. Among their findings were that 95% reported they had had premarital sex (based on 2002 data) and 93% said they did so by age 30 and that among women born in the 1940s, nearly nine in 10 did.

Believe it or not, the ONLY person I've ever had sex with is my Wife.

Yes we did before we got married but I still love that factoid above.

I dont think too many on this panel are virgins so you might have a difficult time finding someone who saved themselves for marriage. Personally I would want to experience sex before I got married.

There is absolutely no reason to wait for marriage.

Personally, I think you should wait for someone you trust and care about. Be safe both with your physical health as well as your emotional health. I do believe that once married, you should be faithful, and if you aren't the type that can be, then don't get married.

I dont think too many on this panel are virgins

Who would have thought it would be this hard to find virgins on the internet?!

I do believe that once married, you should be faithful, and if you aren't the type that can be, then don't get married.

Precisely. I'm not sure why people that want to sleep around (after they're married -- and probably know it before they're married) get married in the first place. It only causes pain.

I used to believe that it's worth it to have sex AFTER marriage, but that's cause I thought geeks never got any in their life.

After I found out otherwise, I realized that it's worth it to have sex before marriage or right before. The reason being that I'm assuming you're going to spend the rest of your life with your partner.

Finding out that you have a bad sex life till death do you part is not a good thing.

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Personally, I think you should wait for someone you trust and care about. Be safe both with your physical health as well as your emotional health. I do believe that once married, you should be faithful, and if you aren't the type that can be, then don't get married.
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I agree with this entirely. I don't think waiting for marriage etc. is really the necessary thing; it's whether or not you have the mental maturity to properly handle a sexual relationship. It's obvious that a lot of today's teenagers don't, but experimentation is experimentation and the decisions should be left to the individual.

I think the premarital sex stigma in a lot of religion pushes this precaution more than it does the actual issue of being married. If you're marrying someone, you're in it because you care about that person and could be with them in the long-term; it fixes a mature perspective on everything.

well , I'm Muslim so it's not allowed to make sex before marriage , and i can say it's a good thing to control the sexual life ..

Well, I never thought I'd get married, and part of me still believes that, so I'm not waiting for marriage. I did however, wait until I was in love with the person I slept with. I was 20. To each his own really. I don't have a problem with waiting until marriage, and if I met someone who believed that, then I would be alright with it, but it just doesn't happen often these days.

As dues62 said, a lot of kids are starting to have sexual relations a lot younger these days. I mean, I'm not that old, I'm 23, but when I was 12 and 13 we weren't doing stuff like that. At least the majority of us weren't. Drugs were our thing. Now that my sisters are around that age, I hear them gossip about who did what with whom all the time. It's kind of sickening. You best believe that my sisters aren't allowed to date till they are 30, and just in case I have a shotgun and a shovel nearby. :P

My wife and I held off until I was married. I think the "Sexual compatibility" is a load of crap and simply an excuse to get around. My wife and I only know each other sexually and it gets better every time. There is no one better than her simply because I never "shopped around". I only "know" her. Sex is like clay. you roll around and meld with each other (tehehe). You give and recieve a little bit of eachother every time. I think it really screws with a person if they give a bit of themselves to multiple people.

My sisters are also that age or close to. If any guy were to imply something to them, I would definetly have a "good discussion" with them. Kids are too young and horny at that age to think straight. gah.

I think everyone should do whatever makes them feel comfortable.

When I was a teenager I had promised myself that I'd maintain my virginity until my wedding night. But..... pfrrrtt! That went out the window at 18.

Oh well... I'm proud to have maintained it for so long! LOL

I need to know if someone can make waves or rock the ocean in bed.

avuee, are you serious?

I avoided this because it seemed you were asking for responses for folks who were virgins until they were married but as you don't seem to have been able to find that many of those as yet...

If you are in bed it is hard to rock the ocean... but if you mean can you obliterate all else and find yourself in some other world where time is spinning fast and your body is locked in state of sudden exaltation...

rarely but it does happen. ;)

Do you really want to wait for that?

I ended my last serious relationship because we didn't connect sexually. We were great life partners, great friends, but incompatible lovers. I don't need to have sex with a potential spouse right away, but definitely before marriage.

if you mean can you obliterate all else and find yourself in some other world where time is spinning fast and your body is locked in state of sudden exaltation...

Yeah, that's pretty much hot to read...

if you mean can you obliterate all else and find yourself in some other world where time is spinning fast and your body is locked in state of sudden exaltation...

Yes, it does happen (and it's hotter to experience than to read, Justin ;) ), but even when it does happen with a certain partner, it doesn't happen all the time, every time. That's just the way of it.

I'm glad I didn't wait for marriage (as opposed to my husband who claims he was a virgin before he met me. Yeah, right! I wonder how his first spouse liked that one?!?). I do think I should have waited longer than I did, and waited for someone special. At too young an age, it's difficult to tell if that person is truly special enough though.

I think there are sexual people and just people who lie there and do it. I know quite a few married people who are surprised that sex can be fun, but found out that their husbands aren't willing to give them everything that they can. Some even made the mistake of sleeping with other people because of this.

I do agree with Imajed, it's really something to control your sexual life. It's one thing to give in, it's another to use it like you know what you're doing.

My girlfriend wants to remain a virgin until after marriage. I respect that. I'm not going to force it. Doesn't mean I can't teach her other things before hand and it's worth knowing whether the person you want to spend the rest of your life with can be as insatiable as you.

Just do it. Can be fun.

Whatever people choose, I do think it is vital they use forms of birth control and rubbers every single time! Parenthood (and marriage) should be a 'choice' and getting HIV / AIDS is so easily prevented. I work in a public school, too, and students age 11 and 12 are not giving real thought to any of this. I don't even know if it's possible to think rationally at that age with hormones taking over.

sex is scary these days with all the diseases floating around.
I'm glad I'm married and i don't have to worry about things like that!

To answer the question... I had sex before marriage.
I was 16 my first time with my highschool sweety.
I wish we more educated about it beforehand, because it only took 2 times before I ended up pregnant.
My parents never talked to me about stuff like that because they were so religious and prude.
Flip side! They didn't make that same mistake with my sister :)

I don't think people these days really respect marrige as much as those in the past. Which is a tradgey for more reasons than just sex.
However, I have seen a lot of people get married young for the sake of that "special night" and it ended up making them miserable.

I am not saying that one should go out have a pump-a-thon. Simply put: respect yourself + intend to stay with those you sleep with.

Jesus, I sound like Jesus.

just to jump on the mrdiggles bandwagon for a bit...
look at our society's role models, celebrities, and you can see a little bit on where the lack of respect for marriage is coming from. Britney married for 52 hours and then married Federloser, just as an example.
I know we also have some celebrity couples on the other end, but they number far fewer than their counterparts.

back to our regularly scheduled Note...
I feel that sex is an important part of a relationship. I have had great sex with a lame emotional connection and vice versa. It is just a part though and when all the parts are good is when the relationship really grows.

I too, am surprised at how young kids are getting into sex. I really don't have an idea as to the why it happens but I would love to see parents educate them more often and earlier to prevent the stupidity (lack of protection) that goes along with it. I've seen too many pregnant 12 year old girls and boys with a STD (pick one - they're all out there). I respect the heck out of someone religion when it says to stay away from sex. I think some education would help a lot 'in case' it happens anyways.

Dang, did I write all that...?

Yeah. My daughter won't date until she's 30 either.

Who would have thought it would be this hard to find virgins on the internet?!

They're all lying.

I keep forgetting to respond to this thread. I have sex before marriage. Actually, I would not marry a man I did not have sex with. Intimacy (in all its forms) is important and I need to know that I can bare my soul (intimacy) and we are sexually compatible (intimacy). Like Justin, I was in a relationship where we were compatible every way but sexually.

But I don't have casual sex. The number of men I have been with is low because I personally I can't be "that intimate" with a stranger. To me that's my balance.

Kamigoroshi - you are wonderful. :)

Thanks Tyme.

I think sex has to be taken a lot more seriously in society for it to be a working part of a relationship. People just don't know enough about it because either their parents are squeamish about it or their culture considers it an unspeakable taboo.

So what happens? It's never a factor when spending the rest of your life with someone. You're either a virgin who doesn't know a thing or considered a slut who sleeps out of wedlock. Why can't society have some middle ground on this?

Where are the rest of the responsible sexual vixens?

I have always tried to be a responsible sexual vixen.

The problem with waiting for someone you want to be with for the rest of your life is that, from about 11 to 17, you're absolutely convinced that anyone who you've been going out with for more than a milkshake is absolutely the person you want to be with for the rest of your life.

I was considered to be a loser in high school for waiting till I was 17 for my first sexual encounter. My friends spent a great deal of time trying to set me up (with, it has to be said, a whole bunch of other losers). Despite that, I managed to find someone who I found attractive and who found me attractive--probably partly because I was 17 but let's try to ignore that--and we had a perfectly nice time in the front (bucket) seats of his car even though we couldn't see very well and the stick shift was poking up menacingly between us.

He couldn't believe it was my first time. I told him I'd done a lot of reading up.

I then scared a lot of men away because I was much more serious about being in a relationship than they were. Consequently my first real relationship wasn't till I was about 25...which, coincidentally, is probably about the time that I was mature enough and secure enough within myself to actually handle a relationship.

Actually, I would not marry a man I did not have sex with. Intimacy (in all its forms) is important and I need to know that I can bare my soul (intimacy) and we are sexually compatible (intimacy).

I have to agree with Tyme here. I did have pre-marital sex with my wife and would not have had it any other way. I really believe that it is important to ensure you can be intimate with your partner in every way possible, with sex being just as vital an aspect of life as any other form of communication with your partner.

While I understand that some folks are hesitant for religious and other reasons, I really believe that life will be better for couples if they explore each other in full, included sexually, before committing to marriage.

Yeah. My daughter won't date until she's 30 either.

All of us parents say that but we should really know better. After all, did we ever really listen to our parents when they attempted to be restrictive like that?

I didn't wait, and I am fairly indifferent to it. I have not been promiscuous. The only people I have been with have been those I felt I would have long-term, if not indefinite, relationships with, particularly those I saw one day leading to marriage. (So that should put to bed--har, har--the image that people who have sex before marriage are, of course, UTTER SLUTS WHO SHOULD BURN IN HELL.)

I waited until I was 18, due to personal health choices. I came from a religious family that has always preached to me how wrong it was to have premarital sex, but I never listened to it that much. What mattered to me was the fact that I wanted to be mature enough to think about what I was doing and have a fully grown body. I had fairly good sex education in high school, but I felt political correctness often held teachers and textbooks back from saying what was, to me, obvious: "If you're that young, your body and mind is not ready." Chances of cervical cancer are of course higher for young, still developing women, too, because cervix cells are not as strong and mature as those found in adult females. That was enough for me to think twice.

Digressing, I know, but those were some of the reasons I chose to wait until I was older, and the same reasons I often suggest young people consider.

The argument that premarital sex is bad is a poor one, at best, because not all people handle sex in the same way, have sex with the same types of people, or with as many people. The personalities of those having sex matter much more than when they have sex.

It's really like anything else. Some people who have sex before marriage will regret it, while others will not. Some will get married and stay married, while others divorce. Some will divorce and remarry, others will not. It is impossible to make blanket statements about the entire human species and what it should sexually, and yet many who believe premarital sex is wrong wish to do just that.

I'm 24 and am still technically a virgin.

Waiting is pretty uncommon. As one who is in love with Jesus, I wouldn't want any of my decisions to be counter-beneficial to our relationship. I don't do this out of religious zeal or obligation but because of my love for Him.

But I also have countless other reasons, too. The most important ones include preservation of intimacy with my future wife; so she can know that I am giving all of myself to her and didn't have any previous lovers. And another would be the sheer spiritual dynamic of sex. Its pretty much the most spiritual experience you can go through with another person apart from trancing out in a vision while in worship and adoration or something.

I'd love to write on this subject for days, but I'll leave it at that for now. I'll probably just get a lot of shock factor over my age and situation that some might ignore all else i have to say... haha.

Since I wasn't a virgin, I probably shouldn't answer, but I think a view on my "generation" is in order. In the early 80's, there were few of us who believed in 'virginism,' religion, or not (I was - and still am - a devout Christian, but fail unfortunately that at this point). That is, most of us believed in free sex. We didn't have the worries of AIDS, but only the minor annoyance of other STDs that naturally "happened to other people," and never us. I am guilty of such a silly belief, but am thankful that I never acquired a STD. Today though, love prevails. Though recreational sex can be fun, love is the center of all creation. I wish I knew then what true love was, as I do now. It took many years of learning, and incongruent partnerships to finally learn what sex was all about. Today, my experience with sex is more than just mutual. That is, I do not necessarily want sex to be enjoyable only to myself, or only to my partner. I long for my partner's excitement as well as my own and wish for a way to meet half-way. I think we've succeeded in that, but others may not have. My best advice: Be honest in both your needs and desires. What matches works, what does not needs to be worked upon. If you truly love each other, love will prevail. If not, you'll learn what not to encounter again. Listen to your heart, and do not listen to your brain. Your brain thinks whereas your heart feels. Let your heart feel and your brain rest.

I don't believe in waiting for marriage kinda like I don't believe that jay walking is an actual crime in NYC. We'll keep it at that. Religion can be a very touchy subject and I'd hate to have my views upset anyone. All I can say is that I wish more peopled started thinking than just accepting everything handed to them.

Oh and fellas don't marry the whore. lol. It will most likely lead to fights in the supermarket with the bag guy. LOL

I believe we're missing the point. The Bible, in Genesis teach us that thru sex we're made one with our partner. In 1 Corinthians 6:15,16 there is a teaching of strong consequences: even with a prostitute, have sex is to be made one with her. If i'll be made one with her, I'll be married with her. So, I think THERE IS NO SEX BEFORE MARRIAGE. Have sex IS TO BE made one flesh whit her, to be married with the woman/man with whom we had sex. If I leave that woman/man and have sex with another partner, that is adultery (as in breaking of a covenant).

This put the discussion in a new light: the issue of sexual relationships is much more serious than just "I must" ou "I must not".
Kidbeto - São Paulo Brazil

kidbeto - that point is only valid if you believe in the bible / God.

While we are humans, we are still just mammals (so let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel ... I kid!)... so we have the innate urge to connect with others not only emotionally but sexually as well.

Anyway, I see nothing wrong with sex before marriage, but that is everyone's personal choice. Hell more and more these days people aren't even getting married. And it's ludicrous to believe that just because you have slept with someone you are "married by flesh". If that was the case... well this whole world would have a lot of 'splaining to do.

lalidsey

You're right. Yes, needs to believe in Bible as the Word of God. And also, it's a personal choice. You know, I'm a counselor by profession and my observation of the human suffering led me to believe that the Bible has reason to teach us what it teach. I believe in the Bible myself and can testify to be seeing a lot of people coming to believe in God, as revealed in the Bible and experience a transformation in their lives. To have sex to respond to that natural urge you mentioned yes, it's natural. But the natural way to solve our personal and relational problems always led us astray. I believe we need a supernatural way to guide us through the maze of human life. Well, that is my believes. Perhaps you see the things differently. May God inspire us together to see the human life in the right light.

Bye
Kidbeto

My girlfriend and I have agreed to wait until marriage. Although it can be difficult to wait it really gives you the chance to explore all the other aspects of the person instead of just expeirencing their physical desires and fall in love with them not their body. I feel being married would be a better environment in raising a kid, so if your gonna risk having kids, consider if you could really marry that person.

Sex before marriage could be dangerous. Suppose, heaven forbid, the relation tends to fall apart then won't it be just more painful to separate? So as far as possible, it should be avoided but not with fear in mind and more as a virtue(self control) as so many of you have mentioned here.

"in this day and age it's really hard to remain that way until marriage."

i see no legitimate reason why it would be harder today than it was a thousand years ago - it's called self-control