Chixe Thread: Should Younger Men Date Older Women?

Should Younger Men Date Older Women?

confused88 — Sat, 19 Apr 2008 01:06:58

I married a man who is 5 years younger. It is very hard. We had a lot of fun prior to getting married, but since then he has become very boring. This is my 2nd marriage, I was married when I was 18 years old. I had a child 1.5 years later and then another at 21. I never had my "party time". I thought being married to someone younger would allow for me to have fun with friends who are still in their 20s (only while my children were visiting their father on the weekends). He is not as mature as I would like him to be. He switches jobs frequently because of the type of position he is in. I think for the guy, it is fun. You have an older, more mature, woman. For the women, it can be very challenging depending on who you marry. My husband really hasn't left the original "nest" so it is just very hard. It can work, my grandmother is 6 years older than my grandfather and they have been married for 40 years, but I know early on she struggled as well. I guess you have to make sure you have a lot in common with the person and be smart about it. This goes for every relationship. Older women can be very fun though sooooo for the men out there...you need to at least experience it one time! Maybe not marriage, but "relations" def!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Should Younger Men Date Older Women?

Mjoshua — Tue, 15 Apr 2008 22:14:55

Yeah, I've only ever been in a relationship with a younger woman once. It was the most unhealthy and counterproductive relationship I was ever in. Past that, every woman I've been with (no more than 4), have been two years older than me.

Should Younger Men Date Older Women?

NoelKingsley — Tue, 01 Apr 2008 14:54:49

My Mum was 7 years older than my Dad. They had a great time until she became ill and died a few years ago.

Yes.

Should Younger Men Date Older Women?

furocia — Mon, 31 Mar 2008 10:31:07

So I have this friend....

She's 29, he just turned 23. She's his supervisor, and they got along great, so they started having fun outside of work as friends, and now they're dating.

He also has never had a girlfriend before, and will not have sex until he's married....(Catholic/personal reasons). She has...lots more experience, in life and in dating.

So the age gap is not a significant one, but it still exists. It seems to be a pretty neutral thing, but it suggests so many other topics...the same topics one would ask in any new relationship...

What do we each bring to the relationship?
How can we help each other grow as human beings?
Do we have compatible goals and desires?

If one person is 40 and one's 19, and it's basically a physical thing, that's different. At 19 it can be very confusing to know where a relationship really stands, and where it might be headed. There's usually not a lot of deep discourse, just a lot of deep....you know. yeah, discussion.

Should Younger Men Date Older Women?

agilekyle — Sat, 23 Feb 2008 22:31:39

My wife is 12 years older than me. My 24 to her 36. We get along great, even with a step son only 8 years younger than me.

Should Younger Men Date Older Women?

cechastain — Wed, 20 Feb 2008 20:32:57

Oh, why not? Isn't everything a learning experience? And, besides, the question was date an older woman, not marry her. I can say that it was a fantastic learning experience and I certainly learned to respect women much more because of her.

Should Younger Men Date Older Women?

Sebastiano — Wed, 20 Feb 2008 00:47:22

I'm 23 years old, and have dated a 28 year old girl last summer, and man I had the best time of my life with her, sex wasn't just great, I felt like a little boy in DisneyWorld, so many things to do and so little time ^-^ but after 2 months we break up because we live to far from each other... anyway at least one time you have to try it!

Should Younger Men Date Older Women?

AutoMartha — Tue, 19 Feb 2008 22:13:45

Dating younger men can actually be a problem for women who look 10 years younger than they are. I have often wanted to date a man my own age but everyone I've dated has been on average 4 years younger. Men my own age won't believe I'm the same age as them, which is a compliment of course, but also frustrating. Maybe it's in the genes as my grandmother was 10 years older than my grandfather and they were very happily married. I think we put taboos on ourselves due to the pressures of society and what is expected. The funny thing is, when my last date (whothought I was 10 years younger than him) found out I was 4 years older than him, he dumped me saying that his friends would give him a hard time! What does this tell you? This is the sort of prejudice that makes dating younger men so difficult.

Should Younger Men Date Older Women?

loism — Thu, 07 Feb 2008 20:49:54

It's okay. My mum is five years older than my Dad.

Should Younger Men Date Older Women?

izabelala — Wed, 06 Feb 2008 05:48:03

Before I got married, I was always chased (literally) by younger men (and older too). Older men don't run that good and gave me no headaches.

I don't like being chased, it is too much pressure, ...

It seemed that younger men were a little boring. Once I met a boy that was cool but impression was ruined when he said he needed to ask his mom if he can go out that evening.

Should Younger Men Date Older Women?

nugnu222 — Wed, 16 Jan 2008 04:44:37

just a note from the old folks - i'm 60ish and my wife is in her mid-50's - we've been married 35 years -our basic starting point was common interests, common values (family values), and I think we were both ready to start a family. doubt if that will help much in the current conversation, but wanted to share.

Should Younger Men Date Older Women?

costanzo — Thu, 10 Jan 2008 02:17:32

i always date older women, its just more exciting;)

Should Younger Men Date Older Women?

pickagun — Fri, 28 Dec 2007 14:34:32

Yes.

I could leave it at that, but I won't. Why yes? Younger men are looking to potentially populate the world even further. By dating older women (doesn't really matter how old), the chances of extended copulation is lower than the "other dating". Just my thoughts.

Should Younger Men Date Older Women?

seeyah — Fri, 28 Dec 2007 06:50:06

I'm interested to know how Life made out. I've was dating a younger man for 9 years. Exactly the same thing as Life. He wanted children - I had one and didn't want any more. I, the same, woke every morning knowing it could never last. The burden of this grew too much and we both parting ways. Although, not on good terms. I miss him incredibly and feel hating him and blaming him will make the separation permanent. Doesn't anyone feel that sometimes people should follow their heart or that things happen for a reason? Or am I just a hopeless romantic who fell in love with something I could never had?

Should Younger Men Date Older Women?

livespermdonor — Thu, 08 Nov 2007 07:30:28

hell yes. older women *usually* have more experience, and have learned they have to behave themselves. and sine prole, they're hornier besides.

Should Younger Men Date Older Women?

DonaldaG — Thu, 25 Oct 2007 00:52:28

I think younger men should not feel restricted to dating just women of his own age. But I don't know if I agree about showing some young stud the ropes, or whatever. I don't know if that's dating as much as hooking up with some older woman to get sexual experience. Two different animals, in my book. I date to find someone to have an eventual relationship with, not just to be a sexual surrogate until a guy finds "the one." That's exploitation.

But, if you find an older woman who just wants a fling with a younger guy, why not. My boyfriend is younger than me by a decade but we are early forties and early thirties, so I'm not this teacher. We happen to be in the same place in life, and being only old enough to be his big sister, we have plenty in common. We look about the same age so that's not an issue in public, and is the reason he approached me to begin with assuming I was just another female of his age group.

This is my second age-gap relationship. My last one, I was the younger party by 10 years. I looked quite a bit younger than my ex, and he was a teacher. You should have saw his colleague's face when he introduced me! LOL. But for my ex it was, score! I've got a younger babe on my arm. When my age has come up with my boyfriend's buds it's a tad negative. Especially from the girls. Not that they say anything outright, but its more of a disapproving "Oh" or cradle robbing jokes. IMHO, 10 years isn't that big of a deal past age 25.

Should Younger Men Date Older Women?

vlambert — Fri, 19 Oct 2007 00:55:52

I went out for 8 months with a 42 yo woman. I am 23. We had the best of times. I must admit that she was not as mature as an average 42 yo woman so the intellectual spread was not to big.

I don't regret anything and I would do it again.

Should Younger Men Date Older Women?

Kamigoroshi — Mon, 15 Oct 2007 04:59:03

@Life: Everything we experience is worth it, it only depends on whether or not we choose to see things that way. Removing age as a factor, when you boil down to the basics of what it was, the relationship between both of you. If you looked back and found yourself enveloped in love and all that came with it (including its worst parts), don't you think it is worth it?

It seems to me you already know your answer.

Should Younger Men Date Older Women?

Life — Sun, 14 Oct 2007 22:04:22

Well, I used to agree with vickysecret. Then I met and fell in love with a wonderful younger man...20 years younger. It was one of those things I never even dreamed of doing but it happened at a very vulnerable time in my life. It only happened when he made it known that he was in love with me. He was everything I have ever wanted in a partner. We were together for nearly five years. They were the best and the worst 5 years of my life. We truly love each other, are completely devoted to each other and will always be there for each other. As hard as some people find it to believe, is real.
The 2 big problems that exist in a relationship like this are:
1. Other people don't accept this kind of relationship. Therefore only our closest friends know about it. We chose not to deal with everyone else's oppinions.
2. We are at different places in our lives. I have grown children and no desire to raise more. He has no children and wants them.
With the secrecy, and the desire for different things, waking up every day knowing it was going to end, and the tension that caused,we knew it just couldn't go on any longer. We are still very close friends, but I feel like no one else will ever replace what I had with him. It was really wonderful. I am so full of regret over this because I was foolish to ever get involved so deeply in something that had no possibility of a long term future. I am sure that I would have been better off not to get involved with him, because I wouldn't be feeling like this now. But the time we spent together really was fantastic, some of the happiest in my life. When it's all said and done he changed me for the better. Not because of his age, but because of the person he is, and the love and friendship we have shared. The question I have not yet resolved is, was it worth it?

Should Younger Men Date Older Women?

vickysecret — Sat, 13 Oct 2007 22:59:20

As long as it's not 16 year old Johnny and his English teacher, then I think it's fine.

Should Younger Men Date Older Women?

Takintime — Sun, 06 May 2007 05:07:06

I recently met a woman who is in her 80's and is absolutely the most alive and fun woman I think I have met other than my dear wife. I am middle aged and find her very attractive because she is mature, has a great outlook on life and is in no way slowing down.

We have the best conversations and communication I have ever had. She is still very beautiful, feminine and womanly, likes to be pampered, yet is very strong and capable...wow! What a combination. Age certainly would be a consideration for me, though, for anything longterm. She could be my mother although she treats me as an equal.

We have both agreed that if we had met when we were younger and eligible to marry we would have fallen for each other in a heartbeat because of our attraction to each other...we just click.

As it is it is not possible due to my very happy marriage even though she is single now. So, we have found a way to be true friends and enjoy what we have without wishing it could be different. Yet, it hurts to see her want to be with me though we both understand that it will never be possible under the circumstances.

Should Younger Men Date Older Women?

Kamigoroshi — Sun, 04 Mar 2007 15:37:22

Gnorb: All the examples you've given are older men with younger women. The topic is older women and younger men, not whether the age gap is tolerable, but whether the defying the cultural stigma of older women dating younger men has its benefits.

Should Younger Men Date Older Women?

Gnorb — Sun, 04 Mar 2007 06:43:43

The question here is whether we're attempting to invalidate a "rule" (guideline?) by looking to exceptions for that rule. A 15 year old lady dating a 26 year old man -- what do we make of that? By most accounts this would be a relationship in which the reasons for the partnership are called into question (legalities aside). As a rule, this would not be easily accepted in modern society. From personal experience I know this can work out: my parents started dating when my father was 26 and my mother 16, and they were married 2 years later. They have been married now for 30 years. However, in most cases this type of relationship would not work out for a myriad of reasons. They are the exception, and rules are generally not shaped by looking at exceptions.

Of course the original question was whether this was tolerable. It is, but the larger the age difference the more the motives will be called into question -- as, I believe, it should be. If it works, it works, but the question is always and should always be there. Example: Anna Nicole and her billionaire 189 year old husband. Is it wrong? Maybe. Some of you may say "Oh, but she just did it for the money," even though you don't KNOW that. In fact, by saying that, you've proved my point.

Should Younger Men Date Older Women?

frotzed — Sat, 03 Mar 2007 22:06:35

My wife is 2 years older than me and it's a great fit. But I know a couple who has a 26 year spread between them. The wife is in her early 30s and her husband is in his late 50s. They seem to really love each other and that's a beautiful thing. Still, I can only think about what the relationship will look like in 20 years when the man is hobbling around and the woman will still have a lot of pep.

Should Younger Men Date Older Women?

LorriM — Sat, 03 Mar 2007 20:40:23

Kamigoroshi: It would depend on what you mean by "real woman". There are many interpretations to that.

Should Younger Men Date Older Women?

Kamigoroshi — Sat, 03 Mar 2007 19:42:15

It's funny you should mention the "Half plus 7" rule because that was the topic brought up by a friend which lead to me writing about it in the first place. It just doesn't work to have that rule of the thumb because the older you get, the numbers just don't add up.

Half and half the answer sounds more appropiate, but even so...numbers like that don't take the cake because you can't calculate the reasons why some cultural stigma's are defied.

I share more in common with people older than me than with people younger than me and experience has taught me that I'm definitely not alone in this as well. Some people have a relative age that's older than they should be whether by initial experience or they are just the way they are.

The question you bring up here is...is an older woman more likely to exploit a younger guy than a older man with a younger girl? What would an older woman look for in a younger guy? My experience has showed me good things thus far, but is there an opposite end of the extreme?

Should Younger Men Date Older Women?

Gnorb — Sat, 03 Mar 2007 10:30:39

In the end if two people get along and click, who cares?

Because the greater the age difference between the two parties, the more possibility there exists of possible manipulation by one of the parties. The natural question then arises: what could those two have in common? Specifically, I'm talking here about maturity here: an older person is expected to be more mature than the younger person, and therefore not expected to want to be with the younger person for reasons other than the gratification of prurient interests. Likewise, the younger person will likely not want to be with the much older person without the likeliness of there being some sort of manipulation of the older by the younger (usually in the areas of status and finances). I'll concede that all too often age and maturity don't travel together, that sometimes one comes alone, but the question remains as to the purpose of the relationship at hand.

Here are a few random scenarios. As you read them, take note of the first, knee-jerk, gut-feeling answer which comes to mind for the question "why are they together?"

- an 80 year old man and a 23 year old woman.
- a 45 year old woman and a 21 year old man.
- a 26 year old man and a 16 year old woman.
- a 25 year old woman and a 14 year old man.
- a 27 year old woman and a 24 year old man.
- a 30 year old man and a 24 year old woman.

The closer the ages, the easier the question of commonality is answered. The larger the age difference, the more likely we see possible primary intent to lay outside the realm of "romance" or even commonalities, and more in the realm of manipulation and gratification of prurient interests, especially when the age differential brings one of the parties in what is obviously a lack of development. It could be argued that like the difference between the developmental understanding of various relationship nuances by folks under 20-ish (when full development of what it really means to express coitus towards the intended goal of procreation), there is a difference in developmental understanding between the 20 year old and the 45 year old which the 20 year old has no idea about and the 45 year old may be exploiting.

Of course, there's the whole biological aspect, too: Older women = status symbol for younger males, younger women = status symbol for older/more dominant males, etc.

Personally, I've always liked the rule "1/2 your age + 7 years" as a general guideline. Anything outside of that will usually call other motives into question, whether justified or not.

Should Younger Men Date Older Women?

stefani — Fri, 02 Mar 2007 19:13:56

I totally agree with you Kamigoroshi....experienced women bring things to the table that a younger woman cant. Not that being younger is bad cuz of course its not, its just a matter of what your looking for I guess.

Should Younger Men Date Older Women?

Kamigoroshi — Thu, 01 Mar 2007 17:17:12

True, no one really cares. I'm just fascinated about the fascination, because in my case, what drew me to older women is the power they have from experience. I am attracted to power.

But I was young and just started college and she had an independent career. She showed me how to be stronger and how to love a woman for who she is. In short, she did change my life regardless of what happened between us.

I don't think I would have ever treated or understood women the same way I do now if it wasn't for her.

Should Younger Men Date Older Women?

Tyme — Thu, 01 Mar 2007 07:39:59

Hmm, well, age isn't an issue for me but most men that approach me are younger. Rarely is it an issue of maturity it's common interests. I'm not trying to teach anyone anything (who wants a grown child?) but if the combination is right the things in common bond the couple and difference allow each other to grow, learn and not get bored.

In the end if two people get along and click, who cares? :)

Should Younger Men Date Older Women?

bullock_d — Thu, 01 Mar 2007 07:30:46

My wife is 4 years older than me. I think it is wonderful.

Should Younger Men Date Older Women?

JPhill — Thu, 01 Mar 2007 07:27:48

I would have liked to date an older woman just to see what it's like.

Should Younger Men Date Older Women?

dook — Thu, 01 Mar 2007 07:24:43

Short answer: if they want to, yes.
Long answer: if there are mutual feelings on both ends, yes.

Can't draw it up any better than that.

Should Younger Men Date Older Women?

Kamigoroshi — Thu, 01 Mar 2007 07:16:52

Does any older women find it at least mildly interesting to teach a younger man what it's like to be with a real woman?

Should Younger Men Date Older Women?

Gnorb — Thu, 01 Mar 2007 00:21:24

Err... I married an older woman. Does that count?

(Only 3 years, so I guess not really. Only ever dated one person younger than myself.)

Should Younger Men Date Older Women?

stefani — Wed, 28 Feb 2007 23:42:13

Definitely...most the men I date are younger than me....but if you get more than a 10 yr spread, it could be boring (for both parties) but say 5-9 yrs younger, fun fun fun.... :)

Should Younger Men Date Older Women?

bloglily — Wed, 28 Feb 2007 06:15:07

One barrier to these sorts of relationships is that quite a few women would be reluctant to date a man who's significantly younger than they are. The women I know want men who can keep up with them intellectually and experience-wise, and men who are significantly younger are seldom able to do that. Still, there is something sort of appealingly old world about a woman showing a younger man the ropes, as it were.

Should Younger Men Date Older Women?

Kamigoroshi — Wed, 28 Feb 2007 05:43:45

Which also happens to be the topic of conversation on my blog.

Do you think that younger should date older women at least once in their lifetime? I don't know if it's a bit more tolerable in western cultures (even though you hear it all the time), but in Asian cultures, most parents frown upon their sons dating older women, some even if they are a few years older much less 10-15 years older.

Personally I think it's a good idea, especially if you're younger, still not looking to settle down and without a clue in the world on what women want and need. For the most part it just helps the guys learn to respect women for who they are. Something that can be quite handy when that special someone actually comes.

Anyone else with thoughts?