Chixe

This isn't a universal thing, it's very heavily influenced by your national and local cultures.

If that's the case, why I see this completely different from this friend sharing similar background? And why it does not seem such a big deal when a man remains single longer than average?

There are lots of double standards like that which are still carrying over from the Victorian era. A man who has a lot of sexual "conquests" may be seen by his peers as being something of a superstar. A woman who does the same thing is seen as a slut. It's ridiculous. What's good for a man is good for a woman.

I think this is heavily influenced by the overall belief that it is better to have children in wedlock. Since women have a certain number of years that they are able to naturally conceive, there seems to be more of a time limit on them. I wouldn't necessarily call it a double standard though.

I think the answer to that depends on a lot of variables, such as country of residence, cultural expectations, familial and friendship influences, education, etc.

Country does have a large indication in this along with cultural things. Spinster and other labels are just hang overs from past centuries really. Whilst I am married, it was not for what anyone would see as traditional reasons. When it comes down to it now women have the choice politically in some countries to decide on whether they marry or not - the pressure culturally varies from nation to nation. Having the choice doesn't make it less important - it makes it a choice for the individual and how important it is depends on them.

It's culturally based. It's even more obvious in Asian cultures where the woman must marry as a sign of prosperity.

Ironically though, my partner is commitment-phobic. Then again, she never really bought into the whole traditional culture thing. Based on that observation it's easy to see how much culture can influence the believe that a woman must marry to be happy.

Marriage is important to Women because it creates an environment for them to nurture...Womens basic instict from the start!

Cheek: Yes but the act of nurturing doesn't have to lead to the institution of marriage. I know women who aren't married that have kids and raise them accordingly. Heck I know women who treat their business like their baby.

I think we have to define first, what IS marriage? A piece of paper detailing the official bond between two unrelated people? A sanctimonious connection? Why is it necessary or more to the point, why would it be considered important?

You can be nurturing without the institue of marriage. Being married isn't necessary for a nurturing environment. It is all mainly in how secure you feel about yourself, and how you perceive yourself as an individual, and it is also in your mindset.

Exactly!

People so often see "marriage" as a commodity instead of what it actually means. That's why sad stories like women marry due to cultural, social or physical pressure instead of in the name of love. I cannot imagine women's nurturing instinct will be geniune in a business-like marriage.

Women in many cultures are eschewing marriage. Italy, I read but do not ask me for reference, will soon not be able to hold their population because many Italian women are either not marrying, delaying marriage, or marrying out of their ethnicity and moving out of the country.

In essence marriage is a business contract and although I do still know people who feel it necessary I see more and more who do not. They either do not believe in the "till death due us part" thing or they do not believe that a contract is necessary for a relationship based on love and trust.

I see marriage as still necessary, in this society, if one is going to have children as children will be harmed due to the stigma unless you are some kind of celebrity. Otherwise I don't see marriage as necessary.

Well, my original intention about the question is that "Is marriage to women really more important than other things in life?".

My argument with my friend was that if I have to worry about the security of life, I would make sure at least I have a place to live, I have a job to buy food and pay the bills, which satisfy my basic needs. Only after then will I worry about realtionship or even marriage. Because marriage cannot provide security to women like it used to in earlier centuries.

I'll take love over marriage in a heartbeat. If I have more kids it's more important that my child be born in a loving relationship, one we are both dedicated to each other setting a strong foundation for our family. That does not necessarily equal marriage.

Depending on the situation and the area, sometimes it is more advantageous not to get married. If you look at it closely, many that are delaying marriage because of careers, etc. are in serious relationships. Theoretically, nothing should change when a couple gets married if they are in a serious relationship already. These people aren't avoid love....just marriage.

I think the officialness (to family, friends, co-workers, society) of the marriage piece of paper is very nice and has certain tax related or medical benefits but it is much more important to the children that mommy and daddy love each other and love them.

Tyme: Sounds like you're confirming. The best way to end a relationship is to get married. :)

BubbleGum: I don't think that marriage to a great percentage of the women in the U.S. is more important than other things in life. Many women have careers that are extremely important to them, and their careers are a priority. There are also women who do not wish to have children, so for them, marriage is not important.

There are many variables to this question, obviously.

@LorriM: I'm glad that so many people here are with me. Because in my friend's opinion, marriage should be the foremost thing that women pursue. Without marriage, life is not complete. How pathetic!

I see marriage as something that should form naturally, not under pressure.

But like you said, there are many variables. People in my culture do marry and maintain their marriage for others instead for themselve, which is really sad. But the saddest truth is that they believe that's the way.

I'd love to think that marriage is a beautiful thing, but having grown up in a single-parent family, and having been cheated by my boyfriend makes me commitment-phobic..

Yet I do look forward to being proposed to, though I'm not quite sure I'd say YES..

Is something wrong with me?! AARGHH..

It doesn't matter, I like a woman who chooses to marry because she wants to, not because she feels compelled to. As much as culture puts a stock on such things, someone who'd willingly defy culture for their own choices in life is someone worth being and staying by.

BubbleGum: Yes, a relationship should form, naturally, I agree. Some women don't know any different, though, due to their backgrounds.

pelf: Nothing is wrong with you, if you are implying you don't think you would say yes. There is nothing wrong with being an unmarried person.

"Is marriage to women really more important than other things in life?" I think women are looking for various things in life...personal security and safety is one for sure....good examples, smaller womens alway look for a mate who is bigger, taller, stronger. Also look for someone who is more economically independent...look at our history...in all cultures.

But you know what is important...Love...this should be the only reason for marriage...nothing else....having kids also should be out of love only!

I've mentioned before that people, not just women look for 3 kinds of security in life. Physical, emotional and financial. The security they place more importance in depends on where they are in life, what culture they come from and their upbringing.

Women who are secure in all three don't necessarily need a relationship. Yet even if a woman did want to find these security in their partner it doesn't mean that they want to get married. Like it has been brought up. That's a cultural thing and dependant on what the woman wants.

DITTO Kami!

marriage is like a tree.as the root of trust goes deeper so the fruit of love becomes sweeter.