Chixe

You don't. That's why you go out with them.

Then again, when chatting them up, you usually do get a feeling whether they work well with you or not. Your experience in having women talk about how the men they've dated are jerks and all that. I go through that with almost every single girl I chat up. Even if I'm not on a date, it happens.

I've deduced that this is due to the nature of how I portray myself to be. It's not that it's bad or anything and I've learned to just listen. I do get the idea that women do this on their own whim because they want someone to talk to who'd listen. If I can do that, then why not?

Going back to your problem. I guess it's a matter of one moment at a time. If you get along with the person today, go ahead at it the next day and so on so forth. Keep doing that until you hit a bump on the road. If it can be fix and you think it's worth fixing, then fix it. If not, regrettably take your leave and move on.

You can't figure whether you good with a person one day. The best you can do is understand what it is in yourself that requires you to look for in another person. The rest is about discovering it from there.

I don't know if guilt is too strong a word but I've always used it (the word, not the action, well...not really).

The way I see it, most men don't want to see a woman be all emotional and would go to great lengths not to see them throw a hissy fit or cry. A lot of actions I've noticed especially in relationships between men and women, hinge on that, from getting to know them to breaking up even. It's like a pathological fear of seeing an emotional women. I think I've mentioned this before on some note somewhere.

So maybe it's not intentional guilt which would piss a lot of us off, but our inability to handle emotions that way that plays us right into women's hands.

You know, this list can be narrowed down to something I tell all women who say they don't get men. Men are driven by two things that take precedence in their lives.

1. Sex.
2. Guilt

Control that and you control almost every man there is. :)

Wait a minute, doesn't magazines like this prey on the insecurity of the normal female? That tells you a lot about the people who read it seriously. Though in defense of some of the people who read it, I know people who read it just to laugh at it. Some times, it's just hilarious what they come up with.

When you think of it that way, it isn't so surprising isn't it?

When people mention hardcore, I do include straight vanilla porn as well. As long as it's people having sex, on screen, that's my definition of hardcore. BDSM, fetishes and all that are genres much like TV shows and movies have different genres to the whole thing.

Not I'm not going to argue on whether or not the porn industry is degrading to women because as far as I'm concerned, there are already 3 men here defending why porn is alright and I'm not a woman so I can't speak on that behalf. What would be interesting is whether a woman can come up here can defend the pornographic industry. I've read plenty of articles from women in the porn industry that defend their actions with pride (most notably this one and is SFW), but none from everyday women outside the industry.

Any other women aside from Tyme care to say that there is nothing wrong with porn?

I got a large collection of interesting material because straight vanilla bores me to death. My girlfriend doesn't mind one bit, though it doesn't do anything for her, instead watching what I have purely out of curiosity (because shes never watched porn before I introduced her to it) and humour (the ones I got to laugh at in the first place). But she always remarked that women in the porn industry seem to always have good shoes.

That's true but when people hide the "important" things, that is cause for concern. Things they know will impact the other person they claim to care about. Of course some people can't take it but isn't that an indication of a mismatch in personalities?

The problem is, most people do not know what's important to themselves much less know what's important in a relationship. It always appears to me that relationships for a lot of people are a hit and miss thing. They don't know what they want because they can't understand or admit to what they want. So how do you know negative aspects of a persons life isn't important in a relationship?

Taking myself an example. I know my girlfriend cannot handle the explosive stream of emotions that I emit when I'm down. I know this for a fact because she is my complete opposite. She is a machine when it comes to emotions. Insensitive and unyielding without a trace of empathy. I had no choice but to learn to hold the full range of my feelings back from her simply because I know it would make it worse for both of us. Does it imply we're not compatible? No. I've never met someone who compliments my actions so perfectly.

While opening up simply leads us to trusting a person believing that there is no harm in being vulnerable, maybe we forget that people can't necessarily return your trust or even appreciate it in kind.

So maybe being emotional isn't about opening up and spilling everything inside. It's about understanding what emotions are, what they mean to us and what they mean to other people. It's about learning how to deal with it. To strike a balance between letting it out and keeping it in.

To that end, men hide behind their masks, acting cool, never understanding how to deal with their own feelings as well as those of others. It doesn't mean they have to be emo, it just means it's another thing they have to learn how to deal with, not by running away but with a completely different set of ways to fix it.

@Joshawesome: It's always about culture and how you grew up. I've known women in my life that show no emotion and say what they mean, when they mean it. There are exceptions to the rule but I say they can't be the who they truly are if their life experiences didn't help it along. It's always refreshing to know people like this and truthfully I make it a point to get to know them better...usually them ending up as good friends or people I've dated or both.

I am learning though how to be more of the machine that I love. Being vulnerable or rather being emotional, often means that we put what we feel above what's needed to be done. I think for the most part, a lot of people fail in this where it counts, even men.

Not everyone is ready to handle the full brunt of what a person can feel. Not anger, frustration or every negative emotion that's out there. I think it's hypocritical when a person says they want to someone to tell them how they feel...and then can't accept it when they realize it's not what they expected.

I think it's much more simple that that. Men don't show their emotions because men are incapable of dealing with emotions, both theirs and of other people.

It's an emotional insecurity perpetuated by culture for men to bottle things up. The problem with bottling things up is that at the end of it, the frustrations build and lead to some pretty twisted things. So men have grown up not to care perpetuating the "macho" attitude or become sick twisted individuals with serious issues.

That's why I think with men as with women, something is always wrong. It's just that men have grown to just forget about it and put it aside. A form of compartmentalisation of emotions. Men aren't trained to deal with things that they can't deal with. So if it can't be dealt with, it's not important to them, even if it actually is important.

The problem is as you both Scrivs and Tyme demonstrated is what both genders assume about what the other person is feeling. People complicate things and take the empathy of what a person is feeling completely out of context, making the situation worse. So rather than making an ass out of you and me, I've learnt to go with the flow and deal with things as it is.

Then again I've always been the odd one out as a guy who wholly wears his emotions on his sleeve. The good thing about it is that I can be sensitive to what people feel and empathise that. I've always been the shoulder to cry on and a lady's man because of it. The problem is that being a guy, I've yet to deal with the emotional insecurity made worse by being open about it. For women at least, they are generally comforted by their female peers. Emotional men generally throw people off with a defying stereotype, you don't expect many men to run to someone when they are down. But I do, I just don't have anyone who'd receive me the same way my female friends do when they are down. That creates a whole new screwed up in so many ways for me.

I don't know if this is a situation you can wade your feet before diving in. I suspect like many things in life, it's either all out or none at all. To which the consequences to you or your family would be apparent.

I trust that people are good enough to not take it too far as to single out your family as well, but I've faced things like that for different but equally culture/taboo breaking reasons and I don't really want people to face that same thing. Living a two face lie in the community to protect yourself and your family is one of the toughest things I have ever done in my life.

Because of that, I say that sometimes we have to temper who we are to protect the ones we love. That was my point. I'm not sure how much of an impact this would cause in your community and your family (close and extended), but to do so would sometimes mean you have to stop giving a damn about the other people that can be affected in your wake because you're too busy fighting your own wars to protect others.

Sometimes that's one of the hardest things to do, but it's got to be considered all the same.

I wonder if this makes sense.

I think the question isn't whether you should do it or not. I think the question is as you asked yourself, can you live with the consequences of your actions after you've done it?

Yes this isn't something as simple should you eat that pie that's been left sitting on the table or should I knife that guy in the back because he stepped on my shoe. But your life as a whole hinges on how far you're willing to go for something you believe in yourself.

Can you live, being ostracised by your family, by people around you, perhaps even risk being singled out, even harmed, in the pursuit of being true to yourself? Are you ready to step out of your comfort zone into a world with unknown consequences? Have you got all the i's dotted and the t's crossed to handle such a transition? What if your family and not you pays for the consequences of your actions?

I think it's admirable. Not many people would have the courage and willpower to. Not many people would choose their own freedom over their own comfort. If anything, I stand by your conviction. I know things like this need someone to be there for you to lean on in moments of weakness, but you've got a friend here at least who will say, hold true to what you believe. That sort of faith at least will see you through the darkest of times. I know it did for me.

Sweet Jesus!!

I still never got the hair and makeup part. Why would you pay shit loads of cash for something that doesn't change much of how you look (assuming it's not some insane hairstyle or makeup that looks like it came from the 70's and 80's)?

The only thing I can think off is that it makes WOMEN feel better about themselves. It's the insecurity/confidence booster thing. That's the only thing I can think off. I mean...they have to know we think it scares the pants of little children. They have to...right?

This is a no brainer.

Coco Pops.

Always has been and always will be. I can have it for breakfast, lunch and dinner. More so now that I'm a post-grad student.

Everyone needs sleep. It's required simply because of the metabolic/biochemical changes that only take effect when we sleep.

To put it simply, sleep replenishes depleted neurochemicals in our brain, maintains the production of hormones like the human growth hormone which in turn, along with the lowered metabolic rate of the body helps heal wounds or increase the growth rate (like in babies and children).

It's all biologically set. It's only culture and external medication that affects this for better or for worse. We force ourselves to change our sleeping habits and ignore what our bodies tell us to do.

When was the last time you felt tired, weary, unable to concentrate or sluggish? Those are effects of sleep deprivation. We've unconsciously cheated through the way our body handles sleep and because of that we don't notice these small changes that ultimately affect us on a larger whole.

The thing is, we know that the sleep cycle is connected to production of cortisol, which like adrenaline is produced in times of stress. In the case of sleep, cortisol levels works in part to mediate sleeping (when it's low) and waking up (which is high).

Prolonged sleeplessness influences the increase in cortisol production. In the long term, it contributes to depression, high blood pressure, hyperglycemia, weakened immune system. Stuff that really doesn't work to us living longer.

Jesus man. That's not something lose sleep over.

Doesn't scare me at all. I've lived off 3-4 hours a sleep at night for years. These days I get about 6-7 hours of sleep though. But on a whole, I don't like sleeping. I say it takes away all the things I could be doing if I wasn't sleeping.

At the end of the day, we'll catch up with all the sleep we lost anyway. Even if it is 6 feet under.

Some of the best relationships are always the ones where both sides know what they are getting into, with no expectations.

So relationships fail. So what? Think about it this way:

Take no chances = 100% guarantee that there isn't a relationship there.
Take the chance = 50% chance that something good might happen.

My maths may be a little bit off but if there is some chance something good might come out of it, then I say take it. Life's too fraking short to waste on not taking chances and living by it.

Sure, marriage is a big thing, but no one is asking you to randomly pick up some girl off the street and propose to her. Relationships take time to build and come to fruitation. Chances are, even before you think about marriage, you'll know whether the person you're with is going to be worth spending more time or not.

I say not going for it is a half-assed excused for being dumb. If that's the case, then you deserve to be fraking single.

Now see, if number 5 were true, they'd be a dozen kids underneath the swimming pool water with mothers warning their kids "See, if only poor little Jimmy waited another 5 minutes".

Don't think I had any crazy breakup reasons though. All of it were pretty down to earth reasons. But does not getting together because her parents disallow going out with anyone of a different race and religion count as well?

Most of my relationships starts off that way.

Coming from an Asian school back in the days where public caning was legal and sanctioned by the almost every school's PTA. I never did have many good elementary school (or primary school as we call it) teachers.

Save for two. One good and one bad. The bad one picked on me a lot because I was of a different race in a school full of pure born Chinese kids. I vague remember her kicking me at one point, but I was at first grade then. I didn't know better. I was so traumatized I didn't say anything until after I left the school.

The best was when I was in 5th and 6th grade. We had the same homeroom teacher for 2 years and while yes I had to endure the public caning in front of the class for being one of those people that didn't do my homework or failed badly at the spelling tests. He also pushed me to go higher than I thought I could. At the end of the day, I was the top 5 in the class and top 10 in the school, but one of the only 3 people where mandarin (which is the official language of that school) ISN'T my mother tongue.

After 6 years of constant bullying and being picked on by other kids because I was different than them. I had a teacher show me just how good I could really be.

Hey...don't diss spleens. Spleens need your love too!!

I drink normal coke because I think the diet version tastes a little bit weird. Sure it has less sugar in it, but that's just like saying lite cigarettes are more healthy because have less tar in them. Or diet cookies are healthy. It doesn't make any difference if you're guzzling them down alongside a lifestyle that kill you eventually.

You're only kidding yourselves. If you want to enjoy a meal. Go all out.

Unfortunately I'm as much a wine person as I am a beer person. I can't seem to find an appreciation for both of them. Spirits and Liquor on the other hand I can take with gusto...and gusto.

That being said, the closest to loving wine is drinking port. It's so much stronger and has more flavour. That I can take.

Not having one preference over the other though, I follow the rule of the thumb. I'd take red wine with red meat. White wine with white meat.

I know this note should be buried, but I going through the CAD archives I just had to show this.

Perfect. :)

Body language and verbal mannerisms. Not so much personality or looks.

For many of the women I've dated, almost all of them I have been interested by the way they project themselves in the way they talk and what they talk about and in the way their body language says what they won't verbally talk about.

So yeah, I can't tell much in 30 seconds because I have trained myself never to judge a person by their looks. What I have trained myself is to read between the lines. Why they say the things they say, how they say it and why they act the way their act.

Intelligence plays a large part of my interest and that's the only way I can tell at first glance.

Holy shit. My eyes!! My innocent eyes!!

What is that?! You're dating someone so now you have to get rid of your old friends?

@Ozone42: That happens more than you think. Or at least, I have had the unfortunate chance to live in that reality. I used to think that people grow out of that after high school, but that's not always the case. I grew up around people like that. As hard as it is, you get used to it and you keep looking for new friends who are worth the friendship.

The greatest love of my life was my best friend. And I admit to having crushes on plenty of my female friends. I guess the same goes the other way, I do know that some of my females friends have had crushes on me. There were instances where they actually did have deeper feelings for me.

It's not unusual. In fact, if you just count it as something normal, most crushes fix themselves along they way. I admit to my crushes to my friends as soon as I have them. It doesn't kill the relationship. To my experience at least, it strengthens it somewhat.

Having a crush on someone doesn't mean there is tension there or it'll lead to places where flowers cost a bomb, but it simply means to me that there is something about the person you like. Once I put my finger on it, the crush resolves itself to a more meaningful relationship.

Also in admitting it at least for me, they know if I do silly things, most of them don't think it's weird, just cute, if there were such a word they'd describe it.

As for those that have feelings for me, there is no other way to let a person down. I mean, I've gone through it enough that I know how to let a person down as a perfect gentleman. But sometimes we have to remember that regardless of how nice you are in telling them that it's not going to progress anywhere, the possibilities of friendships ruined because of feelings unrequited is there.

The best you can do is give them some time to work it out on their own. Then go back to the reasons why you were friends to begin with.

You just have to remember that friendships are fluidic. You win some. You lose many. All you have to do is cherish the ones that mean something to you. Regardless of whether they are male of female, they are people that matter in your life and you should always do your best for the people that matter.

I'm a guy who's friends consist of almost all women. In fact, it's fair to say that as far as friends with other guys, those tend to last a whole lot shorter than friendship with women.

I think for me at least, I break any sexual tension by making a big joke about it. Yes it's stereotypical to be the walking penis around women, but as long as they know you're no harm to them, I think everything works out well. For the most part though...sexual tension isn't even a issue worth mentioning.

I have that feeling too. I saw this awesome fedora hat the other day and I didn't buy it because I thought I would look stupid in it.

Come to think of it, I should have bought it. Shucks for me.

That being said, I do wear another awesome cap that I found in one of those old clothes shops. It's one of those one-in-a-million perfect caps that fit the right person. Mind you, I spend most of my time in a laboratory. So you can imagine the look on my face when I found this:

I'm trying to put things in a normal perspective because at the end of it, I still consider it love regardless of the motives, actions or consequences.

When I mean sinister I mean, relationships that carry with it habits outside normal culture, yet share the same love for one another. Easiest example would be BDSM. Many people would consider that kind of relationship unhealthy, but I know plenty of people who are in that lifestyle and still love their partners one and the same because of what they share (Master/Slave, Sado/Masochistic).

Other people can share a twisted game of deceit and manipulation for others and each other, loving and comforted by the fact that only both of them in their lives share the love of what they do.

That's the best way I can explain it. Love doesn't always have to be good and pure. There is a world of pain, lies, manipulation and lust. Some people are in love with each other because of those similarities that they share. It's not that it's unhealthy for other normals, it's that it's perfectly sane for two people who are in love.

Then again...how thin the line is between love and insanity anyway?

Well the thing is that people expect love to be pure and innocent. People don't expect it to have a darker, more sinister side. I think that at least, that part should be acknowledged.

It doesn't mean we should have it be part of our life. It's just that we should also understand that love is wholesome and to ignore what is unhealthy makes us all the more vulnerable to it when we least expect it.

Walking away from the person you love is never easy. Especially when you experience those feelings for the first time. Yet...it is doable. It just depends on how far you can rationalize love among the other priorities that stand in the way for it.

I tend to see now that for most people who have yet to be so broken from love, walking away from someone they love is not something they can consider. Love blinds. Love is selfish. Love is obsession.

For the ones that have felt that loss before. Love is cautious. Love is practical. Love is generous.

Regardless of all that though, love is not a switch. It is a fluidic wave of emotions and thought. To ask yourself the ultimate question. Why do you love and how much are you willing to go for it?

I'm not too good on what other people quoted, but I'll come up with something of my own. This calls for a blog post.

On a core level of who I am, I don't think I've changed at all, but on the other hand the way I'd do things now differs vastly from how I did it before.

I don't think people change at all over the years. We just adapt to new ways of using the same old traits.

That being said, looking at some of my old high school friends. Some people hardly pick up anything new. It's kinda sad, but I'm kinda glad that I got out of that scene before I became perpetually stuck in time.

Sexual immortality comes when the very sight of you gives everyone around you an orgasm.

Least likely to happen of course....at best is make someone want to have an orgasm. That I can tell you, you don't have to think about getting it up to achieve that with women.

Save the world and make out with a beautiful girl.