Chixe

It's all about if the person seems "real." I think I'm a person who pays attention to tiny little details, so I find I know a lot about a person before I speak to them. I think appearance can play a part in that, but it's more body language, style and interaction with others that tells me the most.

I think it's pretty easy to tell who goes for looks only and who doesn't. People who have boyfriends or girlfriends who always look like past lovers, to me, suggest that they have very specific physical characteristics they're going for. People who have had lovers past and present that look nothing alike are obviously not judging looks alone. I have my preferences, but those hardly matter if I've met someone that is fun to be with; none of my exes have been similar in looks or are similar to the person I'm with now. The only similarities have sometimes been in various interests.

Old topic now, but...Century Egg. One of my close friends, this wacky Chinese guy, swears by it, but yeah...eww. His comment that endorsed it was that it "smells like shit, but tastes great!" Then he felt the need to rephrase it to, "No, smell like dead corpse--still taste great!"

I think it depends on the people in the relationships. Just as some marriages work and some don't, and some friendships work and some don't, some of these male-female friendships work, while others do not.

For me personally, I'm rarely friends with females. One of my closest friends is a girl, but she's really it. We click, because we have so many similarities, but in general, I just find I have nothing in common with most women. Not be sexist (against my own sex, haha), but I find a lot of women are pretty emotional, and I'm just, well, not. I mean, I am, but not like most women I meet.

I find I click more with guys, because most guys seem to sort of have no boundaries on what they'll laugh at, what they'll say (and sometimes do), whereas I find a lot of girls seem to always be holding back out of some prim and proper "what's right in this social scenario" attitude. Yet if I want to laugh at someone falling down the stairs, I'm going to. (I will be nice enough to do it out of their earshot, however.) If I want to say something bad in a funny sort of way--the word "cunt" comes to mind (pun unintended, actually)--I am going to. I seem to offend a lot of females because of my personality being this way, and that's okay. Guys, however, have a great time with me, and I have a great time with them. Romance doesn't come into that, but friendship does.

As for have I ever fallen for a male friend or vice-versa, that'd have to be a "yes" for both. However, it's not been often, at least for me. I have found out later on that a lot of male friends have wanted more from me, but I think I'm pretty intimidatingly assertive, so nothing ever happened perhaps because of their fear and/or uncertainty. Ninety-nine percent of the time my going on to date others hasn't changed my friendships with those guys, though. (Only once did a friendship end because of my love for another.) Overall, though, live and let live, you know? I go on to try to help them find girls that suit them. Sometimes I'm good at it, sometimes I'm not.

I don't find any of this awkward, nor do I think it should be. Friendships are typically about meeting people with similar interests, world views, etc., not about their genitals. If I meet a girl I get along with, then we'll be friends. Same with a guy.

Doesn't have to be so polar, I don't think.

They have opinions, of course, but they do not vote.

Things aren't all that different now from 50+ years ago. Considering so many believe that it is Americans' increasing disinterest in politics that contributes to societal problems, you'd think we'd see a significant and rather extreme pattern of decreasing voter turnout, but that's not the case. So, one can assume it's not poor voter turnout that's the problem.

To be fair, it's hard for Americans to want to vote when who we have to choose from--often served to us through mainstream media--a set of completely incapable baboons.

To the topic starter: In a perfect world, what specifically would you have your fellow citizens doing to overcome tyranny? I understand what you're saying here, but just saying they need to follow a leader doesn't get into specifics and wouldn't be all there would be to it. What do you think is truly required for Burma to become freer? What responsibilities need to be shouldered and how would the people go about doing those things? I'm just curious to know.

We don't even have to hit someone over the head with a mammoth jaw anymore. :(

This is one of the reasons some women are so against having sex with their partners. Without that mammoth jaw action, some just can't get turned on.

The people we become obsolete to are the people we never mattered to in the first place, so the question should be, "Does it really matter?" If we are only as good as our bodies, most of us should quit now, anyway.

Thankfully, not everyone is so simple.

I think it's always best to be honest. You don't have anything to lose by asking him out to lunch and telling him all the truth in the process. Chances are, it will encourage communication between you two. He may not even fully realize the distance or he may think there's something wrong between you two. There are any number of possible thoughts that are going through his head, and yet, meanwhile, he has no idea what's going through your head. You have to start somewhere. A good place is to be the one to start a serious conversation concerning the matter. If that doesn't work out, then therapy is a possible option, though I don't know that it's necessary for this matter.

Have you and/or your twin brother moved out of your home yet? I think this is an important factor to your relationships with your parents.

Man.

Seriously, though, Reese's.

I think people tend to view marriage emotionally, but really it still needs to be viewed rationally to completely understand what is going on. Here are some things to consider when you begin to feel that all the world is divorcing or not marrying at all:

1. Good statistics are fairly modern, so our window of understanding is quite tiny in the scheme of humanity's existence.

2. Men and women--especially women--do not have to depend on each other, as in "old days" for survival, and so, for better or worse, you have more people making choices of the heart, rather than solely choices of necessity. Sometimes this means marriage, and sometimes it does not. Sometimes it's good, and sometimes it isn't.

3. Not everyone who is married is happy, and not everyone who unwed is unhappy. The opposite of this is true, too. Both things, and how they vary from generation to generation, affect how many get married and how many get divorced (as well as how often).

4. Does it have to be church-endorsed/state-endorsed partnership? A lot of people just live together now (I'm in that group), but my partnership is no less real. (We personally plan to get married down the road, but it's just a tradition to us.)

5. Does marriage itself really have to mean something? Technically, that's a legally-binding sheet of paper. What's really important is the commitment and happiness in a relationship, and that may or may not be found in marriages of five years or marriages of 50 years. It depends on the people in the relationship, not the institution of marriage itself.

Congratulations on your parents' 30 years of marriage; I hope they've been good. That's what should really matter, I think. Both people's happiness. If they've both been mostly happy together for 30 years, that's an accomplishment, perhaps, but if all that's held them together for that time is a sheet of paper, that's no better or worse than frequent divorces/remarriages.

Like Ozone, I think marriage itself, that certificate, is what you make of it.

I agree entirely, RightOn. Not that I'd WANT to be a burden to my loved ones, but yeah, I'd rather there be a mess than pain for me. Selfish? Maybe.

By the way, I realize this was last action, not actions, but if I were to have time to build a house, I think I'd have time to do all these things. At least that's what I'm hoping. Actually, I'm hoping I don't die tragically.

These wouldn't necessarily have to be in this order, but... Smoke some pot, have sex, paint a floor-to-ceiling painting of something mildly incredible, eat a chimichanga, call/see my mother, and begin a trip around the world. Write about it all until I die.

More importantly----who would START the wars?

I don't think war-starting is sex-related. It's typically greed and hate related. Other times it's necessary to combat those things. Women would just have different wars, probably a little more defensive and strategic on the whole. That's just my opinion, though.

I like guns.

...after the women crack the secrets to this, the whole purpose of men being around would be very short lived.

I'd like to think that we'd keep y'all around for the sex and poo jokes.

@Lelia: You bring your fiddle, I'll bring mine. We'll do a duet. I think I can chalk that up for something that makes me happy too.

I didn't know you played! For how long?

You can play a fiddle, Lelia!?

I can, but not as well as I used to. I used to be tutored in it, but when I moved to Australia, I couldn't take my fiddle with me (just had too many other things that were more important to carry across the pond). So I've only recently gotten it back, after having not played for nearly two years. I remember how to play a lot more than I thought I would, but I'm far from good. Working on it!

God, I would hate to live in a world with only women. I just don't get along with most from my sex (too many emotions, too much backstabbing and gossip in general). Not to imply I'd rather live in a world without women, because that would be suicidal and silly. Both sexes are needed.

Also, I don't think I'd want to give up good health if men were gone. Not being a pig isn't really about men.

If possible, being healthy!

Being in love with, and being loved by, someone who is a wonderful, good person.

Having a loving mother who I consider more a friend than a parent. (If she'd drop the pushy religious stuff, we'd be even closer, and I'd be even happier!)

Having sweet friends who live all around the world.

Sex.

Being a geek girl and a tomboy.

Creating a piece of artwork or writing something that I feel satisfied with.

Having someone tell me that something I created meant something to them.

Playing my fiddle or singing.

I told you that was the last time I'd see you, you asshole! :D

I apologise if I have rushed in to a generalisation. I was focusing on your ability to take action and should have identified that more specifically.

No worries. :) I wasn't offended in the first place, so sorry if it came out that way. :) Sometimes I write quick posts here, in the middle of doing things, so perhaps my meaning is a bit off on occasion.

I think it may be difficult to ascribe a certain kind of person to how one reacts to change. We refer to it all as change, but an important question isn't getting asked, I suppose. Such as, "What change?" Like, most of us, I hope can decide to embrace change and get out of abusive or bad relationships. Not all of us can make the decision to change from one career path to another, however, as Erica did.

There's also the aspect of how people really handle change. On the outside, I think I probably seem pretty gung-ho and calm when handling things. On the inside, however, I usually struggle quite a bit. I am a high-strung, stressed person, and it's affected my health in the past already (and I'm only 21).

Interesting topic you've posted here. It makes me realize just how weird a mix I am personally. I consider myself quite emotive creatively, but in how I handle my beliefs and life, I put an emphasis on non-emotive, fact-based material.

Maybe I have a split personality. :D

What I notice about your comments are that you both appear, in the context of this discussion, to be applying a towards approach to making changes. I also note that this seems to be a much quicker process than in depth self analysis.

It's because I do a lot of in-depth self-analysis, all the time, that I know whether someone/something is going to be wrong for me or not, I think. I think it's those who don't know themselves that end up not making changes in their lives. I think you were right about the strong self-identity connection, to some degree.

That may be true but if he's foolish enough to actually BELIEVE it, well....

Why on earth would it be more believable/better to say "I'll love you no matter what weight you are?" In a relationship, you DO honestly want the other person to be healthy, I would hope, along with yourself.

You can't, I don't think, make a promise that you'd love them, even if they started looking like Jabba the Hutt. That's unhealthy, and it causes a lot of problems in a relationship, perhaps least of all a possible loss of attraction or sexual dysfunction issues.

Anyway, enough of the tangent. Back to regular programming...

If I see that I am soon going to be taken advantage of in anyway, I tend to move away from whatever it is. This has led some people to call me cold, because I'll completely cut off things from my life, including people. I just feel you shouldn't waste your time. If you've tried to work things out in the past, and it didn't happen, it's time to move on entirely and not pretend like it was ever all right.

This, I think, is something I've learned. Growing up in a not so good family, I've seen so many occasions where it was time for someone to not only move on, but completely cut the other person out of their lives and move on. It's a waste of time and life to do anything else.

It can be painful and stressful to make decisions that require such moving on, but at the same time, I think it's more rewarding in the future. I can't say I have many, if any, regrets about the people and things I've moved on from in the past. Most of them went just the way I thought they would--in ways I didn't want to follow--and meanwhile I've gotten exactly what I was wanting.

Start up some sort of sport or exercise. My boyfriend and I play tag rugby on occasion, and we're considering doing yoga or a dance class at some point. Still, we've both gained a bit of weight since moving in together (him 5 and a half kilograms, me four kilograms). I think that's just something that happens--you're calm, you're happy, you eat regular meals together. All of that adds up to a little bit of weight gain, for sure.

As for being sensitive, if you want him to change his life in terms of eating habits or physical habits, the easiest way to accomplish that is to start doing those things yourself and allow him to follow, if he will. If he won't follow, then he's not really committed to losing those 25lbs, after all.

Also, instead of saying you'll love him at any weight (because you really don't know that, actually), tell him you love him and just want him to be healthy--that you want to be healthy together.

The thought of it makes me tired, if that says anything.

Acid!

No, just water.

I think you did the right thing, and as others have said, only time can do the real healing for you. To me, despite his upset when you broke up with him, it seems like he had lost interest. That's a really hard pill to swallow, but when that occurs, it needs to be something that is seen and unfortunately accepted, so you can move on, knowing fully that you can find better.

The fact that he is dating someone else now says to me that he has, indeed, moved on (pretty quick for the person who was so upset). He found someone else to be with before even clearing the air with you. There's nothing wrong with this; it just proves where he stands. And, likewise, to an extent, it should allow you to feel that much more like things are finalized.

You'll know when you're ready for a new relationship, because you'll meet someone you want to be with who also wants to be with you. Don't go looking for it, as you don't have to be with someone; it'll come 'round eventually. In the meantime, enjoy some time to yourself and be thankful that the turmoil of dealing with a rocky relationship and the disappointment of not being listened to are now things of the past. You can also feel confident that you've learned something from this experience, that it's paramount for both people in a relationship to be open and honest and willing to work on problems that occur. Only then do things work out!

A rabbit. I know, it's very manly. However, it may get you an "aww" from the ladies, which can't be too bad of a thing, right?

My best friend has had pet rabbits her whole life, and a relative of mine raised them for that. I'm personally a dog lover, but I think a rabbit might be good if you're looking for something inexpensive, easy to care for, etc. My friend's rabbits are even litter box trained, a thing I wasn't aware could happen.

According to wiki, they can live between four and twenty years. I think their lifespan depends entirely on their own personal health, as well as the way you care for them. My friend's bunny, Kimu, is thirteen years old now.

Wow, calm down. I was, indeed, just joking about your choice of words, and your response made no sense to me, and so I asked "What?" I didn't mean to get your feathers ruffled. I apologize if I did.

I've met some women (a good friend of mine, in fact) who had a similar reaction to their unplanned cesareans. However--and you can take what I say with a grain of salt, considering I've not had children and when I do, I plan to opt for cesarean--I do somewhat wonder why it matters. The greatest amount of bonding is formed outside of the womb, during breastfeeding, cuddling, etc. It seems to me that all that matters was a child was born in hopefully good health and into a loving home. Your son or daughter is surely never going to care whether he was born naturally or via cesarean. My mother had to have a cesarean to have me.

I can't say I gave birth because I had a Cesarean. I just can't say it or write it or think it. It was "their" mistake. If you are a really mean person you should pursue this issue and step on it a little harder.

Why would you want to be mean to somebody you don't know? This kind of blind hate just makes me mad.

What?

I got my first baby 10 months ago at the age of 31.

Was this item thrown in with the new car?

Well, I can't say if you should get back with the ex (you really didn't tell us enough about him), but I can say that your current relationship seems to be on the fast track to failure, and so I wonder why you're sticking with it, either way. I mean, really, what potential does a rocker-wannabe, pot-smoking person have in the "mate/companion" category?

If it's love, and it's hurting all the time, then someone or something is not going right. If things are moving in the right direction, love should uplift you, not tear you in two.

Adults definitely have the wrong ideas about teenagers sometimes. However, I am just 20 (okay, 21 in February, but whatever), so I've not been out of high school for long, and my experience with the teenage group, as a whole, was pretty well entirely negative. Lots of them were into alcohol, including me. Lots of them were into drugs (not me). Many were sexually promiscuous (not me), so much so that my high school had a daycare for all the teen mothers to lay off their children during the day.

So, sometimes adults' ideas are not too far off the mark, at least when it comes to assuming there are problems among the age group, as there are in any other age group. Being aware of some of the problems, adults are concerned, and sometimes that results in strange judgments, such as sometimes picking out the individualistic teens to be the ones who cause problems. Sometimes that is true, sometimes it is not. It depends on the kind of individuality, really.

Now, as far as stereotyping according to looks, in order to come to certain conclusions, you'll never find that to be different. You're going to encounter that when you're an adult, and I find it difficult to believe you don't encounter it at all now. Maybe you don't find that to be the case for your successful (and seemingly popular) friend, but I am sure some people you go to school with have their looks judged, such as unpopular kids, have the nicest clothes, the best bodies, etc.

There are undoubtedly kids you go to school with now who ostracize or judge your friend, too, whether she or you realize this fully or not. People do judge by looks, whether we think that's right or not. People make assumptions according to looks; they assume things about you, about me, about your friend. They may be positive or negative assumptions, but they're just that, assumptions. They may or may not be logical. They need to be tested to make true conclusions. Most, however, are not going to take the time to do that, which usually ends in people saying the sort of things you had said to you about your friend Sarah.

I think it's worth saying, though, that you and your friend should be aware that she is choosing to take a risk by being different. She can't expect to be different and individualistic and not receive some negative comments (and not just from one age group, either). I'm not saying she shouldn't be different, because she should be, but both you and she need to understand that individuality comes with a price at times. Usually that price is that you are not always accepted. If one wants to be accepted all the time, the solution is to standardize yourself.

I personally think a few annoying misunderstandings are worth putting up with to be a true individual. If people have a half lick of sense, they'll eventually see past things like...hair.

Mainly she would be hanging out with her friends and then working. But if she really wanted it to work out, wouldn't she have at least made an effort.

Yes. This is a huge warning sign. As Auburn said, you can have better and deserve better in your life. And the really hard truth is that someone who wants to choose work and friends over you all the time, and doesn't feel bad about being late when she does see you, to me, isn't that interested in you after all. Such a notion really hurts, but it's also freeing, as once you've come to realize and accept that, it's much easier to move on, knowing you'll be able to find something better and more meaningful down the road.

This is what is making me think whether or not I should do something. I like her and would like to give it another try but the reasons I stated above are making me hessitate.

Of course, we are only seeing one side of the story here, but given what we know, I think it's fairly safe to say that she's the one who needs to make some (or the most) compromises and changes for things to be different this time around. So, if she has changed or is willing to compromise, she'll come to you to make things up. I think if you go back now, she's likely to go back into a relationship with you, but without any changes in her life or personality. In other words, you're going to have the same thing happen this time as before.

I agree with Auburn and Cooper. Move on, if at all possible.

I don't think you're being unreasonable when you are annoyed that your girlfriend only has time for you twice a week, and, even then, is usually late to see you. Personally, that sounds like she expects a bit much out of you emotionally. I know I wouldn't put up with that in any relationship.

In my opinion, the main question here is not whether you have feelings for her still or she has feelings for you. The main question is whether you're both willing to be honest and actually see to the issues that have taken place if you do get back together. You're frustrated/disappointed that she has little time for you. If she doesn't know the truth of that, you need to tell her. If she does know that, she needs to be willing to work something better out with you. If you won't tell her, or she won't change, you're just going to go through the same things again.

It isn't hard to meet someone two times a week, and I question just how interested people are when the two times they will see you in a week begin with their being late. That's really yanking your chain.

What exactly has her so busy? Studies, a career? If so, what are her hours like? Does she not have more nights and/or weekends available?