Chixe

I found that in general, people respect those who take a stand. They might not like the stand, and they'll fight hard against it, but in the end, if it was a true stand and not an effort to get them to fall for getting your way, they'll respect the courage of the conviction.

I think the question isn't whether you should do it or not. I think the question is as you asked yourself, can you live with the consequences of your actions after you've done it?

Yes this isn't something as simple should you eat that pie that's been left sitting on the table or should I knife that guy in the back because he stepped on my shoe. But your life as a whole hinges on how far you're willing to go for something you believe in yourself.

Can you live, being ostracised by your family, by people around you, perhaps even risk being singled out, even harmed, in the pursuit of being true to yourself? Are you ready to step out of your comfort zone into a world with unknown consequences? Have you got all the i's dotted and the t's crossed to handle such a transition? What if your family and not you pays for the consequences of your actions?

I think it's admirable. Not many people would have the courage and willpower to. Not many people would choose their own freedom over their own comfort. If anything, I stand by your conviction. I know things like this need someone to be there for you to lean on in moments of weakness, but you've got a friend here at least who will say, hold true to what you believe. That sort of faith at least will see you through the darkest of times. I know it did for me.

I found that in general, people respect those who take a stand. They might not like the stand, and they'll fight hard against it, but in the end, if it was a true stand and not an effort to get them to fall for getting your way, they'll respect the courage of the conviction.

I think, after all is said and done, after the debris has cleared, then yes, some people will be able to respect the choice that I made. But when you're in the moment, it is something currently happening, then it is completely different.

People's first reaction is often an emotional response. It's only after the dust has settled that we can truly appreciate the logical motivations behind a situation.

Can you live, being ostracised by your family, by people around you, perhaps even risk being singled out, even harmed, in the pursuit of being true to yourself? Are you ready to step out of your comfort zone into a world with unknown consequences? Have you got all the i's dotted and the t's crossed to handle such a transition? What if your family and not you pays for the consequences of your actions?

Can I live without my family? I don't know. I've certainly not been close to them, but no matter what, if I needed them they were there. I always knew in the back of my mind that I had that safety net available to me if I ever needed it. In this case, I know I won't have it. Is it scary? Yes, it is. I've never really been alone on anything before. Will I be able to handle it? I sure hope so. I hope that I am stronger than I think I am.

If I were put in a position of being threatened or physically harmed, I would be able to take it with pride. If my family were threatened or harmed, I'm not sure what I would do. It is a possibility in this area, but I don't really think people would take it that far.

Are you ready to step out of your comfort zone into a world with unknown consequences?

Everyday I live as anyone but Josh, is a day that I live outside my comfort zone. The only time I ever feel comfortable or happy is when I'm able to be myself. Which I think is the primary motivating factor for me to do this. I've made a lot of progress the past few months, now I'm at an impasse because I can't continue to grow unless I can really be myself. It's a question of do what's right for me or do what my family (parents) want me to do for them.

Reading your words, I commend you for taking a stand. Life brings tough choices and hurdles to overcome. You've been given one tough hurdle to overcome and it seems like you are winning that battle. If you go through with this, could there be a setback in that area? My thoughts reading your words wasn't whether this was a battle that should be fought...but should be it fought right now?

You know how in an airplane when they give the safety precautions they say to put the oxygen mask on yourself then put it on your children? As tough as that is for a parent (the gut reaction is to place it on the child first) - the parent needs to be okay so he/she can properly attend to the child.

Once that other issue is resolved or stabilized then you'd have the strength/resources/insert-adjective-here to take on another battle and if the worst case scenario happened (your family turns completely against you) it seems like you would be in a better position to deal with it.

In the end I'm sure you'll make the decision that is best for you. :)

Tyme: I haven't talked with my parents about this in a few years. My dad has made hints, and some jokes, about it recently that makes me think that he's changed his mind. However, I don't want to assume that he's ok with it. He might not be. I haven't brought it up with them recently, hoping that when they were ready they would come to me and talk about it.

However, I've had some conversations with my sister, Stephanie, about this and from the way she talks, my parents aren't in the same position they were when I first told them. However, just because they might be starting to accept it, doesn't mean they would be ok if other members of my family were to find out, such as my grandparents, aunts, and uncles. When I first told my parents, they were more concerned about what other people would think than anything else.

For the past few months, I've been struggling with whether or not to talk to my parents about this again. I'm in a position, financially, where I would be able to live without their financial support. The biggest issue was health insurance, but I have that through my job now.

I look at it this way. I've lived for almost five years as my parents wanted me to. This is going to sound really confusing...but my parents like to think of me as a lesbian. If that makes them happy, then fine. It just doesn't make me happy. I feel like I'm living the biggest lie ever.

At this point in my life, with everything that has been going on, I just don't feel like I can really continue to grow, or be happy, living as someone else. I need to live my life for me now, as the person I am. They've had plenty of time to stew over this. I've had plenty of time to realize that I can't keep doing this. Eventually, all the progress I've made, will start to reverse itself. In some ways, it already has.

I'm in a position, financially, where I would be able to live without their financial support. The biggest issue was health insurance, but I have that through my job now.

That's the part I was concerned about based on what was going on in the past (that I knew of). Catching up on your blog, you seem to be doing much better than you were - and I am very glad to read that. :)

That said...you've thought this through thoroughly (it seems). I know what it is like to go against the grain of what a parent wants. My father used to call me rogue because I wouldn't do what he wanted (which would have been a disaster). What's the point of having a life if you're living it for someone else...not doing the things you want to do?

At this point in my life, with everything that has been going on, I just don't feel like I can really continue to grow, or be happy, living as someone else. I need to live my life for me now, as the person I am.

Honestly, I can't imagine what you go through trying to live two lives to keep the peace (for lack of another phrase). Everything seems to be coming together for you nicely. Perhaps this move is another piece of the puzzle that brings you one step closer to your goal. :)

I don't know if this is a situation you can wade your feet before diving in. I suspect like many things in life, it's either all out or none at all. To which the consequences to you or your family would be apparent.

I trust that people are good enough to not take it too far as to single out your family as well, but I've faced things like that for different but equally culture/taboo breaking reasons and I don't really want people to face that same thing. Living a two face lie in the community to protect yourself and your family is one of the toughest things I have ever done in my life.

Because of that, I say that sometimes we have to temper who we are to protect the ones we love. That was my point. I'm not sure how much of an impact this would cause in your community and your family (close and extended), but to do so would sometimes mean you have to stop giving a damn about the other people that can be affected in your wake because you're too busy fighting your own wars to protect others.

Sometimes that's one of the hardest things to do, but it's got to be considered all the same.

I wonder if this makes sense.

Josh, I don't think I'm qualified to give you advice on this matter, but I just want to say you're doing a very, very brave thing by putting yourself in this hot seat. It is admirable, and very few people would even consider doing something like this.

Whatever decision you make, good luck, and Godspeed. I'll be praying for you.

*fingers crossed either way*