Chixe

Dear four particular entities,

Fuck you.

dook

Dear room mate,

You offered to clean the kitchen six days ago...

PLEASE...get on it.

dook

p.s. you know what, fuck it. I'll clean it ONCE again so I'll have space to bake bread. I swear to God if it were legal to physically harm people I'd break you in half.

Dear dook,

Seek anger management classes now. :)

Your friend,

Stefani

Dear boss,

Using company time to have webcam sex in your office or go tanning is not cool. I know the rest of the office will tell the CEO you're at the post office, but I hope he never asks me where you are because I don't lie to THE boss.

Dear Admissions In-Charge at the Trinity College of Music, london.

Why are you people so steretotypical and uptight in your admission procedure?

Why do you people not realize that everybody in the world is not born with the same conducive environment and the opportunities to develop their definite talents in the way you want?

Why can you not look at and consider the passionate fervour someone may actually possess in following a course at your conservatory?

Why does someone who knows can do well in music, and that is the only thing he ever wanted to do, has to go a-knocking just to be disappointed, because of the fact that he wasn't born in a country which reached financial development before he was born?

Why the fuck is it my fault!?

--
And while I am at it, here's to my first violin teacher:
--
You were the one who recognized my talents and instilled in me the passion for music. Then suddenly one fine day you went away to your country, without even informing anybody, and leaving any information which might lead to you being contacted?
You are the best teacher I have ever known. But just what do you think? How can you just run away and leave me all alone?
Now I am stuck with this other teacher for over five years now, who is boosted up with ego and is hardly a good teacher, though he is an excellent player.

--
To God:
--

JUST WHY COULD I NOT HAVE BEEN A MUSICAL PRODIGY?????????????????????????????

Dear Lisa,

When we broke up, it was because you told me that you needed to go off and date other guys, to "make sure" as it were. It didn't really seem to matter to you that we had been dating for just over four years, you were fully prepared to let some random guy you met in a bar set off all kinds of emotional alarms in your head and ruin what was, up until that point, a pretty damn good relationship.

Of course, looking back on it now, I realize that things weren't really all that great at all. When we broke up, I predicted to Mark that you would be back within six months. It took you three, and I'm glad I figured things out before then. When we were dating, you were my number one priority. I made time for you, I gave you all of the love, compassion, heart, and soul a person has to give. You, on the other hand, really didn't give me much of anything.

How I was so blind to this for so long is beyond me, but it really doesn't matter now. While you were off "playing the field" I was busy getting on with my life. By the time you came back, I had already met a great new girl. The kind of girl who treats me with the kind of respect and love that, after four years with you, I really didn't think most girls had in them. When you told me you wanted me back, I politely told you that it was too late. You lost me. Judging by the ensuing phone conversation, I'm guessing you never thought I would do anything but come back to you. I suspected this from day one.

I've been dating Erin for three months now and she treats me better than any girl I've ever met. I tell her so, all the time. She tells me how much she appreciates me, and how well I treat her. It's funny, but this feels exactly like how a relationship should work.

There aren't any hard feelings, really. We grew up a lot together and I learned a lot from our relationship. I guess the point of this letter is just to say one thing:

I'm over you.

Sincerely,

-Brian

Dear Family,

Please do not make our quiet home into a damn war zone because you can't plan ahead, think about each other or communicate properly. It is not all about you, singly, and never will be. We all have to work together here, or life will chew us up and spit us all out. Let's not do it to ourselves from the inside. Get it??

I love you anyway.

dreamweaver

Dear 14 year-old sister,

The first thing I wanted to hear when I got up was not some jackass calling himself a rapper going "smack dat, all on the floor."

K?

Ex-oh-ex-oh

Dear boss,

You are a pompous, self-righteous piece of crap. While demanding godlike perfection in your underpaid and overworked employees, you blame your own mistakes on others, or laugh them off as a joke. Rules only apply to those you don't like, and your delight in making people cry is shameful.

You must stop harassing my lunch by poking your dirty fingers in my food, and I wish you would stop insulting my Vanilla tea. If you feel that strongly about the odor, stay out of my office. We don't complain about your feet, or how you stroll aimlessly about the office in your socks, so please don't mention our food aroma fifteen times during our often interrupted lunch break.

Learn that once you make a promise, it's best to keep it, instead of conveniently claiming to forget the terms of your latest deal. This is especially true when it comes to dealing with your underlings, as we want to respect you and feel good about coming to work every day. Promising to pay x amount of dollars, and then only paying y amount, is never good for morale.

I grow weary reflecting upon all of your transgressions, so I will close for now. Thank you again for allowing me to endure your abuse on a daily basis, and paying me pennies for the pleasure.

Forever your employee,

Idiot

Dear Lu,

I miss you and I wish we could be together again, but damn woman, you had better get your shit together fast or you wont last for long. Seriously, if you keep this up you'll probably be dead in a couple years, and if you're not you'll probably be with another psycho loser like the one before me.

Please dont do this to yourself.

I've been job hunting since March. Currently I'm employed, but I'd really like to leave my job in Retail for more of a steady schedule plus steady income. Also, I've been applying to anything that sounds remotely interesting (even if I'm not so interested in it, I still apply just because).... but I haven't gotten any callbacks, even though I follow-up with the company about three days after I've applied. So here's my letter to the company that won't give me a chance.

Dear Company Who Won't Hire Me,

You're making a big decision. I know, to hire me or not. Or to even grant me an interview. I know, it's tough. So many candidates applying for the job you're offering, and I'm sure it's hard. Because when it comes down to it, do you hire the person who can get the job done or the person who's qualified to get the job done? Pick me.