Chixe

Change your name?

Me? Change it to what?

Svircs?

What? It's subtle...

You're so right. There's one thing in particular I'm reminded of almost on a weekly basis. Sigh.

That's why now I don't make any mistakes.

If your past mistakes were something criminal, you can get your record cleared or things reduced to not such a bad thing.

If you did something less harse, then the "teachers" just need to move on and get over it.

Just remember, "Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new." - Albert Einstein

<quote>That's why now I don't make any mistakes.</quote>
Ha, yeah I quit that shit cold turkey.

Word, brother.

I don't get the analogy, Scrivs. I enjoyed some of my teachers and learning from them would never be a 'haunting' experience. Do you have an example of a mistake one could constantly be reminded of?

Dreams, let say you're married. You and your wife are going through a rough patch. You meet a girl casually and you click. One night after having an argument with your wife, you call this girl with the intent of just talking but instead you end up cheating on your wife.

Being the honest, open guy you are you don't want any secrets like that between you and your wife, so you tell her the truth. She's hurt but she loves you and she wants to try to work it out.

When you are late coming home the suspicion of cheating is there. If you and your wife have a fight and you want some space, she asks if you are going to see that girl. An error on your credit card from Victoria Secret - you're cheating!

Fast forward: a year later you and your wife are are having a minor disagreement about money. She talks to a girlfriend about it, and her friend brings up that you might need the extra money to spend on another woman or worse, accuses you saying the credit card thing wasn't an error and you were late because you were cheating.

Two months later, you're playing a card game with your wife and friends that's like truth or dare and luck would have it where you pick the card that asks "have you ever cheated on your spouse?" and when you answer, see the pain cross through your wife's eyes.

Your mistake keeps coming up even when you thought you were past it but you realize that, when you answered the question and saw the pain in your wife's eyes, that she really wasn't over it.

Or she's over it (no pain) but both of you are reminded of your mistake and how much you hurt her.

So Scrivs is asking what do you do when something from the past causes problems currently. Is that a better scenario?

Good grief Tyme. That is one hell of a scenario. I would not want to be in that situation at all.

I really feel for Scrivs now. I know he likes to mess with people, we all like to clown around but...

We all make mistakes but based on your scenario, he must have really messed up.

LOL I don't know if Scrivs' was that bad. When I read his scenario I had an idea of what he meant and pulled one from real-life. Yup, I went through that except I wasn't married.

The irony about that story is that we did get past it to the point we can talk about anything. Spoke to him today - he's one the closest people to me (we did break up though).

Scrivs and Dev know the story (talked about it on ST) - it took time to get past it but we did. It was ultra frustrating for him because he felt like every time he took three steps forward it would come up and yank him two steps back.

I have found that only time works to dull the pang of "I was/am such an idiot."

The only thing that has helped me is being able to talk openly about it with the person I messed up with.

However I still feel horrible, though usually just for a few moments, about things I've done where I am no longer in contact with that person; I can't talk with them to make myself feel better so it just keeps coming back time and again.

matto: I feel the same way. Time does help heal wounds but not always.

I've messed up over the years... we all have but what sucks is when you try to be the better person like you mention and talk with who ever you have issues with or the person who has issues with you and they act like a child and turn it into something more.

Some people can't ever let things rest, even when you try to make things right.

Some people can't ever let things rest, even when you try to make things right.

.. generally that happens when folks:

a) get mileage out of it (point scoring)
b) aren't interested in forgiving a screw up
c) are getting something out of it..

That exact thing has happened to me - I screwed up once.. badly.

The person involved continues to this very day to make as much mileage out of it as possible. :(

Still life moves on, after apologising and seeking forgiveness I moved on (one can only genuinely say 'sorry' through word and deed so often before it seems hollow and pointless).

@Josue: "That's why now I don't make any mistakes."

The trick isn't so much to not make mistakes - it's to not get caught. :)

The funny thing about mistakes is that some have far-reaching consequences. A man can jump off a cliff and repent half-way down...he'll be forgiven for his mistake, and he may have very well learned from it, but there are still natural consequences for his action.

That (uber long) scenario that Tyme gave is a great example of this. And it illustrates so perfectly why even young children need to be taught how to make wise choices. Some bad decisions you make will very possibly haunt you for decades to come. I know I'm still dealing with some past mistakes I've made, and crap, it sucks having to deal with that stuff so far removed from the actual situation. I feel for ya, Scrivs.

Time wounds all heels.

That was long but I hoped to show that although things might be painful for a while things can work out. It takes effort though. For many time only deepens the wounds unless they are dealt with.

I received about 40 emails from people who read my story and thanked me for sharing it because it gives them inspiration to keep trying. To those people: it's situations like these when you find the loyal loving people in your life. They will go through the painful times with you but not being in your life isn't an option. Continually punishing you for your mistake would hurt them as much as you (instead of getting payback for hurting you because you hurt them). Ok, done preaching. :)

Thats pretty shitty of a "college professor" to be as immature as to throw your past mistakes back at you....you're in college now for Christ sakes....change classes.....nothing bugs me more than "adults" acting like "children"....whew...sorry, better now :)

Tyme, thanks for your global response. I guess you haven't lost that loving feeling ;)

seanrox: Nope - I'm starting to see the light of day with catching up on emails. Lots of Round 5/I missed it how do I submit type questions and some interesting observations I'm going to discuss in a series of entries. I appreciate people emailing me because it helps me get an idea what people are interested in. Then I can throw the ideas and Scrivs and Mike - the miracle workers on making it happen. :)

Bringing it back on topic, one "mistake" 9rules made was not launching notes with an editing feature (or letting it go so long without one). There are many people who have note accounts that are newbies but rely on the ability to edit, even if they don't use it. Very understandable.

I agree it's a mistake not having an edit feature for notes but I heard it was coming soon. Maybe something where the user is allowed to make edits for a set number of seconds or minutes?

I'm usually pretty good with posts and notes but once in a while I'll forget a closing tag on lists or a link, so an edit function would be perfect to fix that.

Scrivs: how you doing man? Any of this helping you at all? The people want to know... will Scrivs be ok? My vote is yes.

I know this guy who had sex with a whore once, he has AIDS. Talk about mistakes eh?...

Oh I'm good Sean. I wanted to hear what others think and its along the same lines as my thinking. Some people will never let go, but that doesn't mean you should stand still and not move on. Life is too short and too sweet to ponder forever.

Good to hear you're ok Scrivs.

I agree with you in that some never let things go and life is just to short. People do need to move on...

Hey, speaking of too short, I have that album loaded on my iPod :)

Over the past couple of years, I've started to live my life like there is no tomorrow just for those reasons. If I have a beef or grudge with someone, I try and work it out. It takes two for things to work and if it's one sided, like you said, time to move on...

The key is to know when enough is enough and to walk away or when patience is needed to work through something.